Hey everyone, it’s Tina.
I was scrolling through my phone today and saw a quote that hit me like a bag of wet laundry: “I been the one with & without—that’s why I’m so humble!”
I had to sit with that for a second. Mostly because my bank account and my pride have been in a toxic, on-again-off-again relationship for the better part of a decade. If life is a classroom, I feel like I’ve spent half the semester in the VIP lounge and the other half hiding in the janitor’s closet eating a lukewarm granola bar.
And honestly? I wouldn’t trade the “without” years for anything. (Okay, maybe I’d trade the month I lived on generic O-shaped cereal and tap water, but you get the point.)
The “With” Phase: Fancy Cheese and Target Runs
We’ve all had those moments where everything clicks. You know the ones? Your hair behaves, your car isn’t making that “expensive” rattling sound, and you actually have more than $20 in your checking account after rent is paid.
During my “With” phases, I’m a dangerous woman. I walk into Target without a list. I buy the fancy cheese—the kind that comes in a wedge, not a plastic wrapper. I’m out here living like a minor celebrity in my own mind.
But the funny thing about having it all together is how quickly you forget what the struggle felt like. You start thinking, “Wow, I’m just really good at life.” You get a little shiny, a little polished, and—if you’re not careful—a little disconnected.
The “Without” Phase: Nickels and Gas Lights
Then, life decides you need a reality check. The “Without” phase usually arrives unannounced, like a distant relative who stays too long and eats all your snacks.
I’ve been there. I’ve been the person counting out nickels at the self-checkout, praying the total doesn’t exceed $4.85 because that’s literally all that’s left on the planet in my name. I’ve been the one driving on a gas light so bright it could guide ships to shore, whispering, “Please, just three more miles, baby, we can do this.”
The Lessons Learned in the Lows
Those moments are humiliating, sure. But they are also the most human moments I’ve ever had. There is a specific kind of clarity that comes when you’re stripped down to the basics. You realize that:
- Kindness is a currency. When you have nothing, a stranger holding the door or a friend buying you a coffee feels like winning the lottery.
- Resourcefulness is a superpower. You haven’t lived until you’ve made a gourmet meal out of a half-empty jar of pesto and a dream.
- Your value isn’t tied to your balance. This is the hardest lesson. You are still “Tina” whether you’re wearing designer boots or shoes with a hole in the sole.
Why I Occupy Both Seats at the Table
The reason I can laugh at myself now—and the reason I don’t look down on anyone else—is because I’ve occupied both seats at the table.
When I see someone struggling, I don’t think “They should work harder.” I think, “I remember that seat. It’s uncomfortable, and the springs are poking out, but you’re going to be okay.” And when I see someone winning, I don’t get jealous. I just hope they’re enjoying the “With” phase while it lasts, because the universe loves a good plot twist.
Being “with and without” is like a spiritual exfoliation. It rubs off all the arrogance and leaves you with a heart that actually understands people. It makes you the kind of person who tips well when they have it, and says “thank you” like they mean it when they don’t.
Building Character in the “Without” Season
If you’re in a “Without” season right now—hang in there. You’re just building the character that’s going to make your next “With” season look absolutely brilliant. You’re becoming the person people actually want to talk to at parties because you have real stories, not just a highlight reel.
And if you’re in a “With” season? Buy the fancy cheese, but maybe share a slice.
Stay humble, stay hungry, and for heaven’s sake, keep laughing at the chaos.
Join the Conversation
What about you guys? Have you ever had a “Without” moment that totally changed your perspective? Tell me your most “humbling” story in the comments—I promise I won’t judge, I’ve probably been there too!
idk if this is a with or without moment, but I once paid for a pair of Chuck Taylors with $50 in pennies??? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 The cashier looked at me like I was from outer space, but she took them. XD