Let’s have a little chat, shall we? Grab your tea, your wine, or your stress ball, because we need to address something I saw on the internet today that made me want to scream into a pillow.
You know that phrase people love to throw around when a relationship is on the rocks? “Relationships have their ups and downs.” They say it with this wise, sympathetic nod, like they’re dropping ancient wisdom on you. And sure, in theory, they’re right. Life is hard. Relationships are hard.
But then I see people using that phrase to cover up absolute nonsense.
I saw a post that said: “Cheating is NOT a part of the ups & downs in a relationship. Who tf raised y’all.”
And I have never hit the “like” button so hard in my life. I nearly cracked my screen.
Because, seriously, who did raise you? When did we decide that betraying someone’s trust, sneaking around, and shattering a person’s self-esteem is just a “down”? Like it’s the same thing as forgetting to take the trash out or getting cranky because you’re hungry?
Let me break this down, Tina-style, because the math isn’t mathing for me.
Let’s clarify what actual “ups and downs” look like, just so we’re all on the same page.
An “Up”:
• You get a promotion and celebrate with tacos.
• You laugh until your stomach hurts because he tripped over the dog (and the dog is fine).
• You successfully assemble IKEA furniture without threatening divorce.
A “Down”:
• The car breaks down and you’re both stressed about money.
• One of you is grieving a loss and isn’t very fun to be around for a while.
• You argue about whose turn it is to do the dishes for the third night in a row.
• He leaves wet towels on the bed again (Criminal? Yes. Cheating? No.)
Do you see the pattern? “Downs” are usually external stressors, miscommunications, or just the friction of two imperfect humans trying to live life together. They are things you work through as a team.
Cheating is not an accident. You don’t trip, fall, and accidentally land in someone else’s DMs. You don’t “oops” your way into a hotel room.
Cheating is a series of deliberate choices. It’s a thousand tiny decisions to prioritize your own ego or instant gratification over the person you supposedly love. It’s looking at the “Up” and “Down” roller coaster of your relationship and deciding to jump off the ride entirely to go play on the bumper cars with someone else.
When you tell me, “Oh, we’re just going through some ups and downs” after you caught him texting his ex for the fifth time, that’s not a rough patch, honey. That’s a character flaw.
Calling infidelity a “rough patch” is like calling a hurricane a “breezy afternoon.” It minimizes the damage. It gaslights the person who was betrayed into thinking they just need to “stick it out” and be more patient.
The second part of that image really gets me: “Who tf raised y’all.”
It’s a valid question! Where did we learn that loyalty is optional? We are living in a generation where “situationships” are the norm and ghosting is considered a valid communication style. The bar is in hell, people.
Maybe it’s because I’m a Leo (and you know we don’t play about loyalty), but I just don’t understand the lack of pride. There is something so undignified about sneaking around. If you aren’t happy, leave! Pack your bags. Have the hard conversation. Be an adult.
But no, some people want to have their cake and eat it too, and then blame the “ups and downs” when they get caught with frosting on their face.
If you are reading this and you’ve been telling yourself that his wandering eye or her “flirty personality” is just a rough patch you have to weather… please stop.
You are not a rehabilitation center for broken morals. You are not a waiting room for someone else’s maturity.
Relationships require work, absolutely. They require forgiveness, patience, and compromise. But they do not require you to sacrifice your dignity. You can survive financial struggles together. You can survive health scares together. You can survive bad moods and burnt dinners.
But you cannot build a house on a foundation that cracks every time the wind blows.
So, let’s agree to retire the “ups and downs” excuse for toxic behavior. If he cheats, that’s not a valley in the landscape of your love story. That’s a sinkhole. And you need to climb out of it before you get buried.
Stay sharp, stay loyal, and stop lowering your standards for people who can’t even reach the bar.
— Tina