Hey everyone, it’s Tina. If you’re reading this, it means I’ve finally found my charger, emerged from a three-day cocoon of blankets, and regained enough finger strength to type. Welcome back to the void.
I came across a thought recently that hit me so hard I nearly dropped my snacks (and you know I don’t take snack-safety lightly). It perfectly captured the weird, contradictory state of my current existence. It goes something like this:
Mentally, I’ve cut everyone off. Emotionally, I still have love for people. Physically, I just don’t care to be around.
If that isn’t the most “Tina” sentence ever written, I don’t know what is.
Unsubscribing Mentally from the Daily Drama
Let’s talk about the mental part first. You know that feeling when your brain just… reaches capacity? Like an old computer from 2004 trying to run 40 tabs of high-def video? That’s me. Mentally, I have unsubscribed from the drama. I have opted out of the “who said what at the brunch I didn’t go to” newsletter.
I’ve reached a point where if a conversation requires more than three brain cells or involves me having to explain why I haven’t replied to a text from Tuesday, my brain just hits Alt+F4.
It’s not that I’m being mean; it’s just internal housekeeping. I’m protecting my peace by putting up a “Closed for Renovations” sign on my forehead.
The Big Softie: Rooting for You in Silence
But here’s the kicker—and this is where the guilt usually sneaks in—emotionally, I’m still a big softie. I still love you guys! I truly do.
I want you to win. I want your skin to be clear, your coffee to be the perfect temperature, and your enemies to accidentally step in something wet while wearing socks. I’m over here in my living room rooting for you like a silent cheerleader.
I’ll see a post of your new dog and genuinely feel a surge of pure joy in my chest. I might even whisper, “Oh my god, look at those paws,” to my empty apartment.
But will I actually type a comment? Will I send a “congrats” text? Probably not. Because that requires the “Mental” part of me to get involved, and she’s currently on a union-mandated break.
The Sports Fan Paradox
- The Struggle: It’s like being a fan of a sports team but refusing to ever go to the stadium or even turn on the TV.
- The Reality: I’m just sitting here in the dark wearing the jersey, hoping you’re doing great.
The Physical Aspect: Choosing Social Conservation
Then there’s the physical aspect. The “not caring to be around” part.
Is it just me, or has the “outside” gotten… louder lately? And the “inside” (specifically my couch) has gotten significantly more charismatic?
Every time I think about putting on real pants—the ones with buttons and zero structural integrity—I feel a wave of exhaustion that can only be cured by more tea and another episode of that show I’ve already seen six times.
The Vintage iPhone Analogy
It’s not social anxiety, exactly. It’s more like social conservation.
I’m like a vintage iPhone; if you take me out into the cold or use too many apps (i.e., making small talk about the weather), my battery drops from 90% to 2% in approximately eleven minutes.
Balancing a World that Demands a 24/7 Presence
I think a lot of us are feeling this “split” right now. We live in a world that demands we be “on” 24/7. We’re expected to be mentally sharp, emotionally available, and physically present at every happy hour, baby shower, and “quick sync” meeting.
But sometimes, the only way to keep the “Love for People” part alive is to shut down the “Dealing with People” part for a while. I’m cocooning. I’m in a state of deep-tissue soul-resting.
A Message to My Loved Ones
To my friends reading this: If I haven’t texted back, please know I am currently sending you a mental high-five. I am emotionally invested in your happiness, but physically, I am fused to my furniture.
I’m not “gone,” I’m just… buffering.
Join the Conversation
Does anyone else feel this weird split lately? Like you’re a hermit who still wants everyone to have a great day? Let me know in the comments (and don’t worry, I’ll read them even if I don’t have the “physical” energy to reply yet).