Why We Are NOT the Delusional Ones

Welcome back to Stories From Tina—the kind of messy, honest, slightly chaotic diary that somehow still smells like fresh-baked cookies and questionable life choices. To the 596 of you subscribed to this space, thank you for sticking around for the ride.

Let me start with a truth bomb: life is not a perfectly staged Instagram reel. It’s a mixtape you didn’t know you needed, full of stupidly tenacious alarm clocks, coffee that tastes like a dare, and moments when you realize you’ve been wearing two mismatched socks since Tuesday.

My mornings usually start with the worst possible betrayal: my alarm going off exactly when I’ve settled into that stubbornly comfortable, cat-like sleep position. After hitting snooze three times, I stumble into the kitchen to make my Philz Tesora blend (heavy cream, extra sugar, obviously—I don’t play about my coffee). My little white Shih Tzu just stares at me from across the room with that judgmental side-eye only dogs possess.

I’m minding my own business, sipping my victory juice, scrolling through my feed, and I come across a meme that makes me nearly spit out my drink.

“Nggas be calling us delusional but have yall ever seen how far a ngga will take a lie ???? sht be diabolical af 😂”

I had to pause, set my coffee down, and just take a deep breath. Because where is the lie?! The accuracy of this single sentence is enough to write a whole dissertation on. So, grab your drink, get comfortable, and let’s talk about this so-called “delusion” versus the absolute, Oscar-worthy, cinematic universes people will build just to avoid admitting they were wrong.

The “Female Delusion” Myth vs. Gaslighting in Relationships

Let’s get one thing straight first. We women get called “delusional” for the most harmless, regular things.

What Constitutes “Delusion” in the Court of Public Opinion?

• Over-analyzing a text: We notice a shift in punctuation. We know that a sudden “ok.” instead of “Okay!!” means a storm is brewing. That’s not delusion; that’s just superior reading comprehension.
• Decoding the playlist: Music is basically my primary language. If I notice the vibes in a Spotify playlist suddenly shift from upbeat R&B to moody, sad-boy Drake, I’m going to ask questions.
• Trusting the Stars: As a Leo, my intuition is naturally cranked up to a hundred. If I say the energy is off, the energy is off.

Why Men Lie: The Diabolical Cover-Up

But apparently, noticing patterns, trusting our gut, and wanting clear communication makes us “delusional.” Meanwhile, on the other side of the fence, we have the most elaborate, unhinged, meticulously crafted falsehoods known to mankind.

I am 33 years old, and in my time on this earth, I have seen things that belong in a psychological thriller. Let’s talk about how far a guy will actually take a lie. It is never just a simple “No, I didn’t do that.” Oh, no. That would be too easy. It is a full-blown theatrical production. They don’t just deny; they world-build.

You catch them in a ridiculous, obvious fib, and instead of just crumbling like a normal person with a conscience, they double down. They triple down. They will look you dead in your eyes and rewrite reality.

The Three Stages of the Diabolical Cover-Up:

1. The Gaslight

“You’re seeing things,” or “That’s not what that means.” You could literally have a screenshot, a time-stamped video, and a signed confession, and they will tell you that you’re misinterpreting the font.

2. The Fictional Backstory

This is where it gets diabolical. Suddenly, there are imaginary scenarios, tragic backstories, and wild coincidences. “The reason my phone was off for six hours is because a rogue squirrel stole my charger, and then I had to help an elderly woman cross a very long, very disconnected bridge.”

3. The Innocent Accomplice

They will drag anyone into their web of lies to validate their story. I love my husband Mo, but I swear, if I interrogate him about who ate the last piece of cake in the fridge, we are suddenly launching a forensic investigation, and his best friend Brian is somehow being called in as a character witness for an alibi. They will drag their boys down with the ship!

As a nurse, I’ve worked with plenty of people, and let me tell you—I’ve had patients running a 103-degree fever who made more coherent sense than a man trying to explain away a late-night text from a “wrong number.” (And for the record, I work as a nurse in a much more civilized environment than the chaos of the ER or Med-Surg, but the human audacity I’ve witnessed remains universal).

Women and Deception: The Pros and Cons of Strategic Fictions

Now, let’s be entirely fair and keep it real, because honesty is the policy here. Women absolutely do this too, even if our brand of deception often wears a different, highly-styled disguise. We will look our partners dead in the eye and say a brand-new Sephora haul or a fresh set of heels has “literally been in the back of my closet for months,” or we will execute a flawlessly coordinated group-chat alibi to get out of a social event we never intended to attend.

There are certainly pros to our methods. The main pro is that our strategic fictions often act as a societal buffer; they are usually designed to protect feelings, maintain the peace, or simply avoid a forty-five-minute debate over why the target run cost two hundred dollars. It buys us time and keeps the household running without unnecessary friction.

However, the cons are just as heavy and far more taxing. The mental gymnastics required to remember exactly which fabricated price you quoted for that living room rug is flat-out exhausting. Furthermore, the biggest con is that it chips away at the genuine foundation of a relationship, creating a slippery slope where small convenient fictions can snowball into a habit of hiding our true selves, leaving us tangled in our own meticulously curated webs.

The Exhausting Reality of Maintaining a Lie

Nobody wakes up one morning and says, “You know what? Today I’m going to build a web of deception so complicated that I need a spreadsheet to keep track of it.” It starts small. A survival lie. “I read the terms and conditions.” “I’m almost there.” But then somebody asks a follow-up question. And suddenly that tiny lie needs a supporting lie. Then that lie needs another lie. Before you know it, you’re explaining how a blackout and a stray goat caused you to miss an email.

The commitment is actually impressive. They have to remember what they said, who they said it to, what version they told, and what details they forgot. Meanwhile, I’m over here forgetting why I walked into the kitchen with my grocery list. How are you keeping track of seventeen different storylines? You deserve an honorary degree in fiction writing.

Trusting Your Intuition and Demanding Accountability

But here’s what life has taught me: The truth may take the scenic route, but it eventually arrives. Sometimes quickly, sometimes years later. But eventually, the pieces stop fitting together. Maintaining a lie requires constant energy. The truth doesn’t. The truth just sits there. Patient. Waiting. Like that one receipt you forgot was in your purse.

I try to live right. I try to treat people with respect even when they act disrespectful. But being kind doesn’t mean I have to accept nonsense. Being spiritual doesn’t mean I allow chaos to rent space in my mind.

Some people are so committed to being messy that they forget there’s a limit to how much they can manipulate a situation before the situation starts manipulating them back. Karma isn’t just the universe balancing scales; it’s the raw reality of what happens when you refuse to be accountable. It looks like “sudden clarity” after repeated wrong moves. It looks like confidence turning into defensiveness.

You Are Not Crazy for Standing on Your Truth

So when someone calls me delusional, I don’t even get mad anymore. I get curious. You’re going to label me instead of explaining what’s “delusional”? You’re going to attack my character instead of dealing with facts? That’s not concern. That’s a person trying to avoid accountability by any means necessary. And I won’t be recruited into their escape plan.

Life has taught me that people can fake a lot of things. They can fake confidence, kindness, and innocence. But consistency? That’s harder to fake. Truth has a consistency that lies struggle to maintain.

If you’re reading this and you’re in that space where someone keeps calling you delusional for standing on your truth: You’re not crazy. You’re observing. You’re responding. And you’re not required to spend your life defending your reality to someone determined to misunderstand it. Let them do their little narrative gymnastics. You keep your peace.

And if you’re the person telling the lie? Friend. Respectfully. Retire. The storyline has had seven seasons, three spin-offs, and enough plot holes to sink a cruise ship. At this point, the truth would honestly be less work.

Give yourself permission to be human. Permit the messy meals, the chaotic grocery runs, and the tiny wins. If you’ve found a moment of joy in these pages, I’m glad.

Until next time, Tina ❤️

P.S. If lying burned calories, some people would have six-pack abs by now. 😭😂