Hey everyone, it’s Tina. Pull up a chair, grab a snack, and let’s have a little heart-to-heart about something I’ve been noticing lately.
You know how some people have hobbies like sourdough starters, marathon running, or—God forbid—organizing their junk drawers?
Well, I’ve developed a new hobby. It’s free, it’s low-impact, and honestly, it’s more entertaining than anything on Netflix right now. I call it: The Sit Back and Scope.
The Art of the Vibe Check
Let me start by painting a picture for you—because you might not see the image I’m looking at, but the words say it all: “One thing about me—I sit back and watch how people are with me versus everybody else.”
Simple. Petty? Maybe a little. Accurate? Oh, absolutely. If you’re reading this and nodding your head already, congratulations, you’re my people.
One thing about me (and this might be my superpower or my flaw—jury’s still out) is that I don’t jump to conclusions right away. I don’t pop off immediately. I don’t always call things out in the moment.
Nope. I sit back. Quiet. Mindful. Watching like I’m binge-watching a series called “People Showing Me Exactly Who They Are.”
The Selective Energy Phenomenon
And let me tell you, the view from this seat is… illuminating. I used to think maybe I just had “Resting Leave Me Alone Face” (which, to be fair, is a medical condition I struggle with), but it’s deeper than that. It’s about the “Selective Energy” Phenomenon.
Have you ever walked into a room and seen “Friend A” greeting “Friend B” with a literal parade—confetti, high-pitched squeals, and a three-minute hug? Then they turn to you, and it’s a dry, “Oh, hey Tina.” Record scratch.
Watching how someone switches their vibe depending on who they’re talking to is like watching a chameleon try to win an Oscar.
Decoding Loud Behavior Patterns
I’m not doing this to be petty (okay, maybe 5% petty), but I’m doing it because it’s the ultimate “vibe check.” I’m looking for patterns, and honey, the patterns are loud:
- The Social Climber: Sucking up to the person with the “status” while giving you the “you’re-occupying-my-oxygen” look.
- The Jekyll and Hyde: An absolute angel to the boss, but the second the waiter forgets the extra ranch, they turn into a Victorian villain.
- The “Convenient” Friend: They have all the time for their “cool” friends, but for you? Their calendar is suddenly as packed as a Costco on a Saturday morning.
I don’t listen to words as much as I listen to these patterns. You can tell me you love me, but if your actions with me don’t line up with how you treat everyone else? I clock that. Quietly. Permanently.
Lessons from a Nature Documentarian
Let’s pause for a second, because if I didn’t laugh about this stuff, I’d probably be on an episode of Snapped.
Last week, I watched someone I know spend twenty minutes “checking in” on a group, acting like the Dalai Lama of friendship. When they got to me? They just asked if I knew where the bathroom was. No “How are you?” Just “Point me toward the plumbing, Tina.”
I just had to smile. Nothing confuses a person more than calm silence paired with awareness. I’m like a nature documentarian; instead of lions in the Serengeti, I’m watching humans navigate their insecurities through social hierarchies.
“Interesting… didn’t know your tone had different settings.”
A Map of Character: Adjusting Access
Here is the real tea: How people treat you compared to others isn’t a reflection of your worth—it’s a map of their character.
Old me might’ve over-explained or tried to “fix” the dynamic. New me? I adjust access.
I don’t need to confront every situation or have a dramatic exit. I don’t need to announce when I notice the difference; I just move accordingly.
Placing Your Boundaries Effectively
If I see that your “good vibes” are reserved for everyone except me, that’s actually a gift! You’re showing me exactly where to place my boundaries. I don’t need the “everybody else” treatment; I need the real treatment. If you can’t be consistent, I’m just going to keep my popcorn ready and enjoy the performance from the back row.
Stop trying to force yourself into the front row of people who only see you as an extra in their movie. Sit back. Watch the patterns. Pay attention to who gives you the same energy they give the world, and more importantly, who gives you better energy because they actually value you.
The Power of Quiet Observation
- Saves you from unnecessary heartbreak.
- Eliminates the need for long explanations.
- Shifts the power back to your internal peace.
Observation saves me from unnecessary heartbreak and explanations. Trust me, once you start watching, you’ll never look at a “Hey, girl!” the same way again. People always feel it when you pull back—even when you never say a word.
Until next time,
– Tina 💋