Welcome back to another installment of Stories from Tina, where we dive into the wild, unhinged, and often completely baffling world of my Instagram direct messages.
Listen, I usually mind my business on social media. But every once in a while, a thought gets under my skin so deeply that I have to put it on a brightly colored background and hurl it into my IG stories for the universe to see. Recently, that thought was this:
“My moral compass is so strong that I literally cannot comprehend how a man can abandon his child and feel nothing. Make it make sense.”
It was a rhetorical request. I didn’t actually expect someone to jump into my inbox and try to make it make sense. But oh, dear reader, a brave soul did exactly that. And what unfolded was a masterclass in deflection, projection, and the absolute comedy of male audacity.
Chapter 1: The “Nightmare” Excuse
Almost immediately after posting, I got a reply. Two messages, back-to-back: “Women make us do it… The child’s mother might be a nightmare.”
I stared at my screen for a solid thirty seconds, blinking like my phone had just spoken to me in ancient Aramaic. Women make us do it. So naturally, I had to engage. I asked the obvious: So a man should punish his innocent, helpless child because he can’t get along with his ex? Since when is a child not a completely separate human being from their mother? Abandonment is an active choice.
And let’s talk about this “nightmare” label. What constitutes a nightmare to these guys? Because in my experience, a “nightmare” is usually just a woman asking for basic consistency and accountability.
Chapter 2: Blame It on the “Modern Woman”
Instead of reflecting, my anonymous debater doubled down. He hit me with the classic talking points: Modern-day women make co-parenting hard. Women hate accountability. Men are actually more loyal.
I took a deep breath. First, it was society. Then it was social media. Now it’s “modern women.” The sheer amount of mental gymnastics required to blame everything except the man looking in the mirror is astounding. A failed relationship with a woman is never, ever an excuse for a failed fatherhood. Once you bring kids into the world, your duty to them is permanent. Period.
Chapter 3: The Peter Pan Syndrome and The Real Victims
Let’s pause here for a reality check. Deadbeat mothers absolutely exist, and the devastation they leave in their wake is just as profound. Whether it’s the mother or the father who packs their bags, the toll it takes on a child is catastrophic.
Kids internalize absence. They don’t process it as “Mommy and Daddy couldn’t get along.” They process it as “I wasn’t enough to make them stay.”
Chapter 4: The Echo Chamber of Excuses
But how do these parents actually sleep at night? Simple: they rely on a Rolodex of carefully crafted excuses.
- “I had to leave to protect my mental health.”
- “The ex makes it impossible, so I just stepped back.”
It’s all a smokescreen. We have to talk about the toxic friends and enablers who egg these parents on, framing abandonment as an act of self-empowerment when, in reality, it’s just cowardice.
Chapter 5: The “I Can’t Win” Defense
Let’s be real: some exes are genuinely toxic. You might feel like you can never win. But that still doesn’t give you a pass to ghost your own flesh and blood.
Running because you don’t want to deal with the “crazy” isn’t protecting your peace; it’s abandoning your post. You go through the courts. You use co-parenting apps. You enforce iron-clad boundaries. One day, those kids are going to grow up and realize exactly who stood in the fire for them.
Chapter 6: The “Protecting My Peace” Paradox
This brings me to my favorite modern-day cop-out: weaponized therapy speak. Parents throw around words like “boundaries” and “narcissist” to sanitize the fact that they are just skipping out on parenting.
Setting a boundary with a toxic ex means strictly communicating through a parenting app—it doesn’t mean ghosting your seven-year-old. You cannot use self-care as a hall pass to abandon your dependents.
Chapter 7: The “New Family” Fantasy
Then comes the “New Family” Fantasy. The absent parent miraculously transforms into Parent of the Year with a new partner. Why? Because it’s easier to start over with a clean slate than to do the grueling work of fixing broken pieces. But your first children are watching you give the love they begged for to someone else. That resentment almost never heals.
Chapter 8: The Myth of “They’ll Understand When They’re Older”
The ultimate lie absent parents tell themselves is: “When the kids are older, they’ll understand.” They won’t. When they become adults and parents themselves, they’ll look at their own babies and realize there is absolutely nothing that could make them walk away. They won’t understand your absence; they’ll just see it clearly for the first time.
Chapter 9: The Projection Plot Twist
Back in my DMs, the conversation shifted. The defensive walls came down. He confessed he was going through a messy situation himself and didn’t know how long he could “survive” staying for the kids.
I told him what he needed to hear: Co-parenting is one of the hardest things a person can do. But “difficult” is never an excuse for absence. You are letting go of the relationship with her, not the relationship with them.
Chapter 10: The Ego and The Asset Split
Then the real fear kicked in: the money. He started lamenting about splitting assets and losing savings.
I had to give him some tough love. Money comes and goes. You can always rebuild your savings. What you cannot make back is time with your kids. Pay the cost of peace, take the hit, walk away clean, and focus on the children.
Chapter 11: Sir, This is a Reality Check, Not a Dating App
At this point, I felt pretty good. A win for Tina! Then came his response: “Thanks hun! Youre just what the doctor ordered…i needed to hear that. We need to talk more… :)”
Record scratch. I spent an hour giving a free therapy session on fatherhood, and he thought it was groundwork for a digital flirtation! I had to swiftly and sharply close that door. I stepped in to give a reality check, not to be a shoulder to lean on.
Accountability is a Mirror
Social media is a weird place. You can end your afternoon giving crisis management coaching to a stranger, only to have to politely reject him five minutes later.
Accountability is a mirror, and a lot of people are terrified of their own reflection. Fight for your kids so they know they were worth the battle. Be the constant your children need. And for the love of everything, don’t call me “hun.”
Until next time,
Tina