Hey friends, it’s Tina. Pull up a chair, grab a beverage (preferably one with a little umbrella or a lot of caffeine), and let’s have a real-talk session.
I saw a quote today that hit me so hard I think I have a spiritual bruise. It said: “I took it personal because I would’ve never done it to you.”
Ouch, right? If that doesn’t sum up the specific, spicy brand of emotional exhaustion I’ve been feeling lately, I don’t know what does. It’s that moment where you realize you’ve been holding people to a “Tina Standard” that they didn’t even sign up for—and honestly, half of them probably couldn’t pass the entrance exam anyway.
The Golden Rule Glitch: A Human Loyalty Program
I’ve realized that my brain operates on a very specific, somewhat delusional frequency. I call it the Golden Rule Glitch. We’re taught from kindergarten to “treat others how you want to be treated,” right? So, I go through life like a human loyalty program.
- If you’re sick, I’m at your door with soup and a heated blanket.
- If you’re going through a breakup, I’m your 2:00 AM therapist who also happens to have a list of reasons why your ex was a “project” and not a “partner.”
- If you ask for a favor, I’m checking my calendar like it’s my full-time job to make it work.
And then… something happens. I’m the one who’s sick, or I’m the one having a “Category 5 Life Crisis,” and the response I get is… a “thumbs up” emoji? Or worse, radio silence until they need a ride to the airport three weeks later.
Getting Mad at a Cat for Not Being a Golden Retriever
That’s when the quote kicks in. I don’t just get sad; I get personally offended. I’m sitting there thinking, “I would have organized a parade for you, and you couldn’t even send a ‘hope you’re okay’ text?”
The humor in this—if you can call it that—is that I’m essentially getting mad at a cat for not acting like a golden retriever. I’ve realized it’s because when I do something for someone, it’s not just a gesture; it’s a map of my values. When I’m loyal, it’s because I value loyalty. So, when someone is flaky or dismissive, my brain doesn’t just see “Oh, they’re busy.” It sees “Oh, they don’t value me the way I value them.”
Internal Dialogues and Different Operating Systems
Let’s be honest: taking things personally is exhausting. It’s like carrying around a backpack full of rocks that other people threw on the ground by accident. I have this internal dialogue that goes something like this:
Emotional Tina: I can’t believe they didn’t invite me. I invited them to my third-grade birthday party and I didn’t even like them that much!
Logical Brain: Tina, that was twenty years ago. They probably forgot to hit ‘send’ on the group chat.
Emotional Tina: No. This is a targeted strike. This is a declaration of war.
It’s funny because we live in this world where we assume everyone has the same “operating system” as us. But they don’t! Some people are running iOS, some are on Android, and some people are still using a rotary phone and a dream.
How to Protect Your Sanity Without Losing Your Heart
So, what do we do? Do we stop being “too much”? Do we stop being the person who cares? Absolutely not. The world has enough people who don’t give a hoot. We need the people who take it personally because they’re the ones who actually give a person something to rely on.
But, I am trying to learn a few things to keep my sanity:
- Lower the Bar (Just a Smidge): I’m learning to stop expecting “Tina energy” from “Non-Tina people.” It’s like expecting a sourdough starter to bake itself.
- The “Maybe They Have Diarrhea” Theory: This is my favorite. Whenever someone is rude or forgets me, I just assume they’re having a very urgent, very private medical emergency. It’s hard to be mad at someone when you’re imagining them sprinting for a bathroom.
- Own the Care: I’m learning to say, “I did that because I am a kind person, not because I’m buying a future favor from you.” It’s a transaction-free zone.
Give Yourself the “Tina-Level” Treatment
If you’re like me, and you’ve ever felt that sting of realizing your “ride or die” is more of a “ride if it’s convenient,” just know you aren’t alone. Taking it personally just means you have a big, messy, beautiful heart that actually believes in people.
Just maybe… don’t send the parade until you’ve seen them show up for the rehearsal, okay? Keep being you, keep caring too much, but maybe buy yourself the soup once in a while, too. You deserve the Tina-level treatment from yourself most of all.
Love that last line, so true. And anyone who gets the Tina treatment is most lucky.