Hey guys, it’s Tina. Pull up a chair, grab a snack—preferably something salty to match my current mood—and let’s have a heart-to-heart.
I recently saw a quote that hit me so hard I think I actually felt my soul leave my body for a second. It said: “Ion ask for much just show me that same love I show u.” When I tell you I felt that in my marrow? I felt it in my marrow.
The “Go Big or Go Home” Friend
Here’s the thing about me: I’m a “Go Big or Go Home” kind of person when it comes to the people I care about. If you’re in my circle, I’m your biggest cheerleader. I’m the one who remembers that random thing you said you liked three months ago and surprises you with it. I’m the one who will text you at 2:00 AM if I know you’re going through a rough patch, just to make sure you aren’t spiraling.
I’m basically a human golden retriever, but with better hair and slightly more sarcasm.
But lately, I’ve been looking around and realizing that while I’m out here building bridges and throwing parades for people, some of y’all are barely handing me a toothpick. It’s exhausting, right?
When the Love Ship is One-Sided
We’ve all been there. You’re the one always initiating the “How are you?” texts. You’re the one checking the calendar for birthdays. You’re the one who listens to a 45-minute rant about a coworker named Brenda who stole a stapler, but when you try to mention your own stressful day, suddenly everyone has to go “fold laundry” or “stare at a wall.”
It’s not that I’m keeping a literal scoreboard (okay, maybe a small one in my head, but it’s mostly for tax purposes). It’s just that reciprocity is the glue of any relationship.
“I don’t need a grand gesture. I don’t need a flash mob or a skywriter. I just want to feel like the energy I’m putting out into the world isn’t falling into a black hole.”
The “Ion Ask For Much” Reality Check
The funny part is the “Ion ask for much” bit. Because honestly, we don’t! We aren’t asking for the moon. We are asking for:
- Consistency: Don’t be my best friend on Monday and a stranger on Thursday.
- Effort: If I’m always driving to you, maybe once in a while, hop in the Honda and come see me?
- Awareness: Just notice. Notice when I’m tired. Notice when I’m the one doing the heavy lifting.
I’ve realized that I have this bad habit of “over-loving” people to compensate for their lack of effort. I think, “Maybe if I’m just 10% more supportive, they’ll finally realize they should check in on me.” Spoiler alert: That is a lie we tell ourselves so we don’t have to face the truth.
Tina’s Resolution: Matching Energies as Self-Care
So, here is Tina’s New Year/New Week/New Minute resolution: I’m matching energies.
If you give me “Cool,” you’re getting “Cool” back. If you give me a ghosting session, I’m becoming the Winchester brothers—I’m hunting ghosts, and by hunting, I mean deleting the thread. It sounds harsh, but it’s actually self-care. You can’t keep pouring from an empty cup, especially when the people you’re pouring for have a full pitcher they’re hiding behind their back.
Hang Your Masterpiece in the Right Gallery
To all my fellow “over-givers”: You are amazing. Your heart is a masterpiece. But make sure you’re hanging that masterpiece in a gallery that actually appreciates the art, not in a basement where it’s just collecting dust.
What do you guys think? Have you ever felt like you’re the only one keeping the “love” ship afloat? Let’s talk about it in the comments (and yes, I promise to reply with the same energy you give me!).