The “Understanding” Era is Officially Closed for Renovations (Permanently)

Hey everyone, it’s Tina. Pull up a chair, grab a beverage of choice—preferably something stronger than a juice box—and let’s have a real-to-real conversation.

I saw a quote today that hit me harder than a Monday morning alarm: “I used to be so understanding. I ain’t tryna hear that shxt now.” I felt that in my soul. I felt it in my lower back. I felt it in the specific nerve that twitches when someone starts a sentence with, “Now, I know I said I’d have this done by Tuesday, but…” —

Retiring from the “It’s Okay, I Get It” Foundation

For a long time, I was the President and CEO of the “It’s Okay, I Get It” Foundation. I was a professional emotional gymnast. You let me down? “It’s okay, you’re stressed! I get it!” You completely ignored a boundary? “Oh, you’re just going through a growth phase! I’m so proud of your journey!” I was so understanding that I was practically a doormat with a PhD in empathy. I would literally sit there and listen to someone explain why they couldn’t be a decent human being for forty-five minutes, and then I’d find myself nodding like, “Wow, your trauma really does make it difficult for you to text back ‘LOL.’ I totally see where you’re coming from.”

I was a clown. A very “understanding” clown in a very nice outfit.

But something happens when you hit a certain point in life. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep, maybe it’s the rising cost of eggs, or maybe it’s just the realization that my “understanding” was actually just me paying for other people’s lack of effort with my own peace of mind.

When the Tank Runs Bone Dry

I woke up recently and realized my “understanding” tank was flashing red. Empty. Bone dry.

Now? If you come to me with a story about why you did the thing you knew would annoy me, I don’t want the backstory. I don’t need the three-act play. I don’t need the “inner child” explanation. I’m not “tryna hear it.”

The New Tina Policy: If it requires me to do mental backflips to make your behavior make sense, I’m just going to assume it doesn’t make sense and go back to my Netflix.

The Stiff Spine Miracle

It’s funny because when you stop being “understanding,” people get so confused. They look at you like you’ve suddenly started speaking a foreign language.

• Them: “But Tina, usually you’re so flexible!” • Me: “Yeah, well, I’ve developed a very stiff spine recently. It’s a medical miracle.”

The truth is, being “understanding” is exhausting. It takes a lot of calories to constantly validate everyone’s nonsense. I’ve realized that I’d rather use those calories for something productive, like judging people silently at the grocery store or trying to remember if I actually started the dishwasher.

The Spiritual Peace of Not Caring

There is a profound, almost spiritual level of peace that comes with just… not caring about the excuse.

When you stop “tryna hear that shxt,” your schedule clears up. Your blood pressure drops. Your skin clears. Okay, maybe my skin is the same, but I feel less like I’m vibrating at a frequency of pure irritation.

The View from the “I’m Good” Side

If you’re reading this and you’re still in your “Saint” phase—bless your heart. I remember it well. But let me tell you, the view from over here on the “I’m Good” side is much better. We have snacks, and we don’t have to listen to anyone’s 20-minute explanation for why they’re two hours late. We just leave. It’s glorious.

So, here’s to the new era. The era of boundaries, short conversations, and a very limited supply of “it’s okay.” Because honestly? It’s usually not okay, and I’m finally okay with saying that.