Okay, family, gather ’round. We need to have a little colloquy about a phenomenon I saw in a meme today that nearly made me drop my iced Tesora from Philz. You know the one—it speaks to the absolute audacity of certain individuals in our lives.
The text read: “N*ggas be mad at you for leaving them alone 😭 you the one that fcked up mf.”
Excuse the vernacular, but the sentiment? It is profound. It is accurate. It is the gospel truth according to Tina.
At the tender yet tired age of 33, navigating life as a wife, a mother, and a nurse, I have cultivated a rather high threshold for chaos. However, my tolerance for cognitive dissonance—that mental conflict where people believe two contradictory things at once—is currently sitting at a solid zero.
We have all encountered this specific breed of narcissist. Let’s dissect the anatomy of this interaction, shall we?
It starts with them. They do something absolutely sideways. Maybe they disrespected a boundary you unequivocally set. Maybe they engaged in some Machiavellian manipulation to get their way. Maybe they just acted with a level of callousness that left you bamboozled. Whatever the infraction, the impetus for the fallout is 100% their behavior. They are the architect of their own destruction.
They commit these acts with such nonchalance, assuming your benevolence is an infinite resource. They treat your patience like a renewable energy source when, in fact, it is a fossil fuel—and baby, the tank is on ‘E’.
So, being the functional, self-preserving Leo that I am (and we are known for our loyalty, but also for our unassailable pride), I decided to remove myself from the equation. I didn’t slash tires. I didn’t write a manifesto. I simply… withdrew. I engaged in a little thing called “protecting my peace.”
In the medical field, we might call this “sequestering the pathogen.” You don’t hate the virus, but you certainly don’t invite it to dinner. You isolate it to prevent further infection of your sanity. I am essentially putting their bad vibes in quarantine until further notice.
Here is where the juxtaposition of reality and delusion gets funny. Instead of utilizing this time for introspection or perhaps issuing a contrition-filled apology, they get mad.
They possess the temerity—the absolute, unadulterated gall—to be offended by your absence. They start gaslighting you, acting as if your silence is an act of aggression rather than a consequence of their foolishness. They paint you as the villain in a narrative they wrote!
It’s a fascinating psychological projection. They are projecting their guilt onto you, disguising it as anger because they lack the emotional maturity to process shame. They want reciprocity without responsibility. They want access to your energy, your time, and your vibe, without paying the tax of basic respect.
I watch enough Law & Order: SVU to recognize a deflection when I see one. I feel like Detective Benson staring at a suspect who is vehemently denying they were at the scene of the crime, despite being caught on 4K camera.
These individuals will attempt to obfuscate the truth. They will rewrite history to make your departure seem “random” or “mean,” conveniently omitting the part where they set the bridge on fire while you were still standing on it. They are stunned—stunned, I tell you—that you didn’t stay to inhale the smoke.
It is the height of hubris to expect someone to remain in a burning building just to keep you company.
Let me be emphatic about this: You are not “acting funny.” You are reacting appropriately to a stimulus.
If I stop watering a plant because it keeps pricking me with thorns, and the plant withers, that is not me being “mean” to the plant. That is the plant facing the inevitability of cause and effect.
I’m too old for these histrionics. I’m too busy trying to raise humans, be a wife, and keep my own equilibrium steady to coddle adults who behave like toddlers. I spend my shifts triaging patients; I do not have the bandwidth to triage your bruised ego.
If you mess up, and I leave you alone to think about it, don’t come to my phone with hostility. Come with an epiphany. Come with some amelioration.
Until then, I’ll be over here, unbothered, moisturized, and caffeinated, enjoying the silence you’re so mad about.
Word of the day: Schadenfreude (finding joy in their confusion). Just kidding. (Sort of).
Love,
Tina 🦁