Hey friends, Tina here. Pull up a chair—or a floor cushion, if you’re still waiting on that furniture delivery like I am.
I was scrolling through my phone the other day and saw a quote that hit me like a cold splash of water (or like that time I tried to do a “refreshing” face mist but accidentally grabbed the hairspray). It said: “You wanna fight me but not that drug & alcohol addiction? Weird 😂.”
I stared at it for a long time. Beyond the petty “oooh, burn” aspect of it, there is a deep, uncomfortable human truth sitting right there in the middle of that emoji. Why is it that we are so ready to throw hands with people around us, but when it comes to the “boss fight” inside our own heads, we’re suddenly very busy checking the expiration date on the milk?
Let me paint a picture for you—because apparently, you can’t see the image 😌. But imagine that text sitting there, just daring you to look at your own life. And honestly? If that didn’t make you pause, laugh a little, and then feel slightly attacked at the same time… congratulations, you might be emotionally evolved already. The rest of us? Yeah, this one hit a nerve.
We’ve all been there. You’ve had a “Week.” Not a week, but a Week. You’re tired, your brain feels like it’s made of wet dryer lint, and you’re struggling with something big—maybe it’s a habit you can’t quit, a glass of wine that turned into a bottle, or a “just one more” that turned into “where did my Tuesday go?”
Instead of looking at that habit and saying, “Hey, we need to talk,” what do we do? We look for a target. We get mad at the person who cut us off in traffic. We write a three-paragraph spicy email to a coworker because they used the wrong font. We pick a fight with our partner because they breathed too loudly while we were trying to watch The Great British Bake Off.
It is so much easier to fight a person than it is to fight a pattern. A person is external. You can yell at them, block them, or ignore them. But a pattern? An addiction? That’s living in your guest room rent-free, wearing your favorite robe, and eating all your snacks. Fighting that requires looking in the mirror, and let’s be honest—sometimes the lighting in that mirror is just too harsh for a Tuesday.
The post used the word “weird,” and honestly, it is kind of funny when you step back. It’s like being in a burning building and deciding that the real problem is that the curtains don’t match the rug.
I’ve noticed something over the years (and by “noticed,” I mean I’ve lived it, watched it, and mentally taken notes while sipping my drink like 👀). People love distraction fights. They love battling you, me, them, that situation from three years ago, or what someone said while drunk. But the real problem? Nah. That stays untouched. Untreated. Unbothered.
We pour all our fire, our passion, and our “fight” into defending our right to stay the same. We argue with the people who love us because they’re holding up a mirror we don’t want to see. We treat the people trying to help us like they’re the enemy, while we’re literally hugging the thing that’s making us miserable. I’ve done it. I’ve spent hours justifying why I “needed” a certain vice while simultaneously being ready to go to war with anyone who suggested I might be struggling. If I’m busy fighting you, I don’t have to fight the fact that I’m losing control.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Tina, why you gotta call me out like this?”—trust me, I’m calling myself out too. The reason we don’t fight the addiction or the bad habit with the same energy we use to fight people is simple: We’re afraid we might lose.
If I fight you and lose, I can just say you’re a jerk. If I fight my addiction and lose, I have to face myself. That’s high-stakes gambling, my friends. But here’s the secret I’m slowly learning: The fight doesn’t have to be a knockout punch in the first round. Sometimes “fighting” it just looks like:
• Admitting it out loud (even if it’s just to your cat).
• Being honest when someone asks, “How are you really doing?”
• Choosing to be uncomfortable for five minutes instead of numbing out for five hours.
So, here is my challenge for us this week. The next time you feel that surge of “I want to fight someone,” take a breath. Ask yourself: Is this person actually the problem, or am I just using them as a distraction from the boss fight I’m avoiding?
Because tell me why people will scream until veins pop out, block and unblock each other, and send paragraphs… but won’t fight the very thing that’s actually ruining their life. Make it make sense! Maybe the real flex isn’t being the loudest in the argument. Maybe it’s being brave enough to say, “I need help.” Strength isn’t in fighting people—it’s in breaking cycles.
It’s going to be messy. You might need a nap afterward. But I promise, winning a battle against your own shadows feels a lot better than “winning” an argument about whose turn it was to empty the dishwasher. If you’re the one being dragged into someone else’s war while they refuse to confront their own issues? Baby, protect your peace. You are not required to be someone else’s punching bag while they avoid accountability.
Anyway… that’s today’s story from Tina. A little humor, a little truth, and a whole lot of “we’ve all seen this before.” Stay messy, stay human, and keep fighting the right fights. 💋
I’m curious—what’s a “small win” you’ve had recently against a habit you’re trying to kick? Let’s celebrate the little victories in the comments!