Hey everyone, it’s Tina. Grab a coffee—or something stronger—because we need to talk about a phenomenon I like to call the “Clean Slate Shuffle.”
I saw a quote the other day that stopped me mid-scroll. It said: “Men don’t get counseling, they crawl to a new woman that don’t know the real them.” Ouch. My first thought was, “Who hurt you, writer?” My second thought was, “Wait… why am I nodding so hard I’m getting whiplash?”
There’s a thought I’ve been sitting with for a while now, and the more I observe people, the more it starts to make sense—even if it still doesn’t sit right with me. Some people don’t heal. They replace.
We’ve all seen it. You spend three years helping a man unpack his “mother wounds,” teaching him how to use an “I feel” statement without breaking into hives, and explaining that, no, a pile of laundry is not a decorative floor installation. You’ve seen him at his worst—the 3:00 AM existential crises, the questionable hygiene phases, and the way he reacts when he loses at Madden.
Then, things fall apart. And instead of heading to a therapist’s office to figure out why he’s a habitual ghoster or why he’s terrified of commitment, he’s on a date two weeks later. Why? Because with New Girl Nikki, he’s a hero again.
Instead of sitting with himself, he crawls into something new. A new relationship. A new person who doesn’t know his history, his triggers, or his unresolved mess. Because starting over with someone who doesn’t know the real you is infinitely easier than facing the truth about yourself.
Let’s be real: Therapy is hard work. It involves a co-pay, a box of tissues, accountability, and a professional who won’t let you get away with your usual nonsense. Healing requires humility and admitting, “Yeah… I played a part in this.” A new relationship, however? That’s all dopamine and best behavior.
• The Narrative Control: He gets to tell the story of his past. And in that story, he’s usually the misunderstood protagonist who “just wanted to be loved.” He doesn’t have to mention the time he forgot your birthday because he was “stressed.”
• The Mask: It is so much easier to put on a fresh shirt for someone who doesn’t know you haven’t cleaned your baseboards since 2022.
• The Ego Boost: There is no mirror quite as flattering as the eyes of a woman who hasn’t realized you’re full of it yet.
The quote uses the word “crawl,” and honestly, that’s the part that gets me. It implies a lack of strength. It’s a desperate move to find safety in someone else’s ignorance. It’s the emotional equivalent of painting over mold instead of fixing the leak. It looks great for a few months, but eventually, that damp spot is going to start showing through the “eggshell white” finish.
I’ve been there. I’ve been the woman who was “the real one” who knew the truth, and I’ve probably been the “new woman” who thought I’d finally found a guy who was “so open” (spoiler: he wasn’t open, he was just auditioning).
But the truth is… unhealed habits don’t disappear just because the face changes. Honeymoon energy will have you thinking everything is fixed, but eventually, the cracks show. Healing isn’t location-based—it’s internal.
Now, before anyone gets defensive—this isn’t about bashing men. This is about human behavior. About how easy it is to run from discomfort.
If you’re currently watching your ex “crawl” toward a new target: Let him go. Don’t feel the need to send her a “Warning: Contents Under Pressure” brochure. She’s currently enjoying the trailer; she hasn’t seen the full-length horror movie yet.
For me, I’ve learned to value self-awareness over instant comfort. I’d rather be alone and honest with myself than surrounded and still avoiding the work. When you actually do the work, you stop bleeding on people who didn’t cut you. You stop repeating cycles and calling them “bad luck.”
Healing is a DIY project. You can’t outsource your soul-work to the next person you swipe right on. Someone’s refusal to heal isn’t a reflection of your worth—it’s a reflection of their readiness.
So, what do you think? Have you ever felt like a “rebound therapist,” or have you watched an ex skip the couch for a new girl? Let’s vent in the comments!
— Tina 💫
I enjoyed reading this, thank you.
Very nice,