Welcome back to Stories from Tina!
I’m currently sitting on the couch here in Eastvale, trying to find a quiet moment before the day really gets away from me. My sweet little white Shih Tzu, Daisy, is curled up napping next to me, completely unbothered by the world. I’ve got my absolute daily lifeline in hand—an iced Tesora blend from Philz Coffee with heavy cream and sugar—and I am ready to spill some tea.
I’m here to give you a peek into the daily chaos, the little victories, and the big, messy truths that make up this ridiculous, beautiful life. I used to think “adulting” meant having it all together. that’s a myth I only recently debunked in a very dramatic way, like leaving a toothbrush in the fridge and labeling it “Fresh Mint.” The truth? Life is a series of imperfect moments strung together with duct tape and hope.
Between managing a household with my husband Mo, and dealing with the everyday chaos of figuring out what on earth to feed our son and our daughter, Maureen, my kitchen floor has learned more about resilience than any self-help book could teach. I’m convinced the laundry machine has a secret life where it judges me for every sock that vanishes into the ether. But if you can laugh at yourself—and your safely guarded snack stash—you can survive a Tuesday that starts with a spilled smoothie and ends with a mismatched sock on the floor like a tiny victory flag.
The Harsh Reality of Family Favoritism
As I was taking a sip of coffee and doing some mindless scrolling, I came across a quote that made me stop dead in my tracks. It talked about the harsh reality of family favoritism, stating: “The same child that you do wrong, will be the same child you need… showing favoritism in children is sick.”
And honestly? At 33 years old, my tolerance for this kind of toxic family dynamic is zero. Let’s channel our inner Olivia Benson for a minute and really investigate the root of this problem.
Why do some adults treat children like they’re competing in a popularity contest? Some grown folks walk into a family gathering and act like they’re judges on a panel. “This one is my favorite.” “That one gets on my nerves.” Since when did children become contestants fighting for affection?
Children Are the Ultimate Observers
Kids don’t choose who they’re born to. They don’t choose family drama or adult disagreements. Yet somehow, they’re often the ones paying the price for it. A child can walk into a room completely innocent and immediately feel when they’re being treated differently. Don’t let the little smiles fool you; kids are like tiny FBI agents with unlimited storage space. They might not have the language for it yet, but they clock it immediately. They notice who gets the bigger hug, who gets the benefit of the doubt, whose feelings are taken seriously, and who gets treated like they don’t even exist.
They’re paying attention. And those feelings don’t just disappear. They grow.
I’ve seen families where one child is “the angel” and the other child is “the problem.” And how do adults decide who’s who? Usually based on things that are none of the child’s fault. Sometimes it’s that one child is more emotional, and those traits get punished because grown folks don’t want to deal with feelings. Sometimes it’s the child that looks like somebody the adult didn’t heal from.
A Child is Not a Trash Can for Trauma
I’m telling you right now: a child is not the trash can for your trauma.
When you favor one child, you teach the other to shrink. It’s the child watching adults laugh and talk with one sibling, then realizing they have to step lighter, speak softer, and be “good” in the exact way that keeps them from being noticed too much. Favoritism makes the child feel like love is a reward they have to maintain. That is a heavy backpack for somebody who didn’t ask to be born.
The Consequences of Absent Parenting
What really gets me is when adults drag children into grown-up problems. If you don’t like the parent, that’s between you and the parent. Why are the kids catching strays? Refusing to show love to a child because you’re upset with their mother or father is like being mad at the mailman and kicking your mailbox. The logic just isn’t there.
Let’s take this a step further and talk about the absolute worst form of this dynamic: the men or women who choose not to be in a child’s life entirely. We’ve all seen it happen. A relationship ends, things get bitter, and instead of stepping up, a parent decides to just walk away.
The Inevitable Reality Check
And why? Too often, it’s because they want to punish the child’s mother. They take all the anger, the resentment, and the blatant disrespect they have for her and redirect it right onto an innocent kid by choosing not to be involved. Let me make something very clear: abandoning your child to get back at your ex is not a flex. It is the weakest, most transparent thing a person can do. You aren’t just spiting her; you are leaving a permanent, echoing void in a child who did absolutely nothing to deserve it.
And here’s the harsh reality check these absent parents always miss: they are the ones who end up paying the ultimate price for those decisions later on in life.
It doesn’t matter if they go on to start a new family. It doesn’t matter if they have two, three, or four more kids in the future and play “Parent of the Year” with that new set. You cannot replace a child, and you cannot outrun the ghost of abandoning one. You can’t erase the fact that you threw away a piece of yourself just because you couldn’t separate your feelings for the mother from your responsibilities as a parent. Eventually, those children grow up. They realize exactly who showed up for them and who used their existence as a pawn in a petty adult war. When that day comes, the absent parent will be left holding nothing but the devastating consequences of their own pride.
Emotional Banking and the Laws of Karma
The universe—or karma, or God, whatever you want to call it—has a really funny way of balancing the scales. The quote I read warned that the child you push aside or treat differently is usually the exact same one you’re going to need down the line. It’s the ultimate reality check!
You simply cannot plant seeds of division and expect to harvest a loving, united family. Time moves fast. Those little kids running around with juice boxes eventually become adults. One day, the people who ignored them may suddenly expect loyalty, support, love, and presence. But you can’t keep making withdrawals from a relationship you never deposited into. That’s emotional banking 101.
Kids don’t necessarily remember every gift you bought them or every dollar you spent. But they absolutely remember how you made them feel. They remember who showed up, who encouraged them, and who treated them like they mattered.
Fostering Fairness, Respect, and Dignity
Let’s be clear: kids don’t need identical treatment in the sense of identical expectations. You can be fair without being robotic. You can meet a child where they are without acting like their feelings are a nuisance. You can correct without crushing.
But they should all get the same baseline of dignity:
- They all get respect.
- They all get fairness.
- They all get love that doesn’t come with strings attached.
Love Isn’t Pie
Love isn’t pie. Giving a slice to one child doesn’t mean there’s less for another. You can celebrate one child’s accomplishments without ignoring the others. Nobody should feel like they have to earn basic love, especially not children.
We all see the “perfect life” filtered through glossy posts online. I’m here to say that’s not the whole truth. My promise to you on this blog is to be honest about the rough days and celebratory about the small wins. I want to lead with humor, empathy, and a stubborn belief that we can be imperfect, deeply loved humans who still pick ourselves up after a stumble.
I’ve got to check in with my brother Val, figure out the rest of the day’s chaos, and maybe grab a refill of this Tesora. But I’m standing on this final thought today:
If you’re going to call children “innocent,” then stop letting favoritism bully them. Treat them all the same. Not the same in personality, but the same in respect. The same in fairness. The same in dignity. Because the greatest thing you can leave a child isn’t money or inheritance. It’s the memory of being genuinely loved.
Don’t praise one set. Don’t spoil one set. Don’t punish one set. Treat them all the same—because that’s what love looks like.
Very nice.