Hey everyone, it’s Tina. Pull up a chair, grab a snack (and maybe a glass of something strong), because we need to have a little heart-to-heart about something that’s been weighing on my mind lately.
I saw a quote recently that basically said: “I’m never with someone for what they have in their pockets. I was taught to always have my own. So if I’m with you, it’s because I really saw something in you that I like. Anything else is just a bonus.”
Can we just pause for a second and let that sink in? Because that, right there, is the difference between being a woman and being a little girl.
The Importance of Having Your Own
Look, let’s be real. We live in a world where everyone is looking for a come-up. We see it on social media every day—people acting like a relationship is a business transaction or a fast track to a lifestyle they didn’t work for. But listen, I was raised by a woman who didn’t play that. I was taught from day one: Have your own.
There is a specific kind of peace that comes with knowing that if things go south, I still have a roof over my head, gas in my car, and my favorite takeout on the table—all paid for by me. I don’t need a man to be my “plan A,” my “plan B,” or my retirement fund.
Connection Over Collection
When you have your own “pockets” in order, your vision gets a lot clearer. You stop looking at a person’s bank account and start looking at their actual personality. And let’s be honest, sometimes that’s the scary part!
- When you’re broke: You might overlook the fact that he’s rude to waiters because, hey, he’s paying for the steak.
- When you’re Tina: If you’re rude to the waiter, I’m calling you out, paying for my own salad, and leaving you at the table. Why? Because I don’t need that steak. I can buy my own cow if I want to!
When I say I’m “messing with you,” I want you to understand the weight of that. It means I actually like your vibe. I like the way you think. I like that you make me laugh until my stomach hurts. I’m here for the connection, not the collection.
A Partner Should Be a Bonus, Not a Necessity
Don’t get me wrong—I love a spoiled moment as much as the next girl. If you want to offer me the world, I’m not going to say no. But here’s the kicker: it’s a bonus.
The Cupcake Analogy of Independence
It’s like the sprinkles on a cupcake. The cupcake (that’s me and my life) is already delicious. It’s baked, it’s frosted, it’s high-quality. If you bring sprinkles? Great, it looks prettier. But if you don’t bring the sprinkles? I still have a whole cupcake.
A “little girl” mentality is waiting for someone else to bring the flour, the sugar, and the oven. A woman brings the whole bakery to the table and just asks, “So, what are we adding to this masterpiece today?”
Giving Your Most Valuable Assets
I’m not saying it’s always easy. Being independent can be exhausting. Sometimes you just want to lean back and let someone else take the wheel. But there is a massive difference between wanting support and needing a handout.
When I choose to spend my time with you, I’m giving you the most valuable thing I own. Money can be made, spent, and made again—but my time? My energy? You can’t get that back at the ATM.
Keep Building Your Own Empire
So, to all my ladies out there building their own empires, no matter how small: Keep filling your own pockets. Not so you can be “hard” or “unreachable,” but so that when the right person comes along, you can look them in the eye and know your love is pure. It’s not a debt; it’s a choice.
And to the guys? If a woman like me is rocking with you, take it as the ultimate compliment. It means you’re actually a cool human being, not just a walking wallet.
What about you guys? Have you ever felt that shift from “needing” someone to just “wanting” them because they actually add value to your soul? Let’s talk about it in the comments!