Hey everyone, Tina here.
You know, the older I get, the more I realize that life isn’t just about choosing a side and sticking to it like glue. It’s actually about—wait for it—seeing both sides. I know, I know. It sounds like something a therapist says right before they charge you 150 bucks, but hear me out.
Lately, I’ve been leaning into this philosophy of radical honesty. I’ve decided I’m officially retired from the “Yes Person” Olympics. I’m not biased, and I’m definitely not playing favorites anymore. Whether you’re my best friend, my cousin, or the guy who makes my coffee—if you’re wrong, you’re wrong. And guess who’s gonna tell you? 🙋♀️ This girl.
Why We Need to Stop Enabling the “Victim” Narrative
I’ve realized that a lot of people stay stuck in the same messy patterns because the people closest to them are too scared to “check” them. We’ve all seen it: that one friend who is perpetually “the victim” in every breakup story, while the rest of the group just nods and says, “Yeah, he was the worst,” even though we all saw her throw his PlayStation off a third-story balcony.
I’m done defending people just because of a title. If I defend you when you’re being a disaster, I’m not being a good friend; I’m being an enabler. And honestly? Enabling is exhausted. I don’t have the cardio for it.
Applying Accountability to the “Tina Version” of Events
I’ve started applying this to myself, too. When I’m telling a story about a conflict I had, I make a point to say what you did AND what I did.
Believe me, it’s not always pretty. Sometimes the “Tina Version” involves me being a little more dramatic than necessary, or maybe I “forgot” to mention the part where I sent that passive-aggressive text at 2:00 AM. But I’ve learned that if I only hear what I want to hear, I never actually get better.
Growth Comes from the Truth, Not a Cheering Squad
Real talk: Growth doesn’t come from a cheering squad; it comes from the truth.
If you want to stay exactly where you are—same drama, same headaches, same mistakes—then by all means, surround yourself with people who agree with everything you say. It’s comfortable. It’s like wearing sweatpants with a hole in them; it feels good, but you probably shouldn’t leave the house like that.
Getting Uncomfortable to Elevate Your Life
But if you want to elevate, you have to get uncomfortable. You have to be okay with someone saying, “Tina, you were actually kind of a jerk in that situation.” It stings for a second, but then you realize: Oh, that’s the sound of me actually becoming a better human.
So, here’s my challenge to you (and myself): Next time you’re in a mess, don’t look for an ally; look for an honest person. And when someone calls you out? Don’t get defensive—get curious. That’s how we actually grow.
Let’s Talk About Honest Friends
What do you think? Have you ever had a “friend” who was too honest with you, and it actually saved your life (or at least your reputation)? Let’s talk about it in the comments!
You are si wutg it Yes it is better, and yes I have had lots of friends to honest, but my main friend is Jesuis Christ. I dediced that when I was little, that is He were my friend I didn’t need to worry about others who could even be mean at times. I guess I am also mean on occasion, but I try hard not to be.
This is such a bold, refreshing, and genuinely insightful piece. Your voice is so natural and engaging—it feels like an honest conversation rather than a lecture, which makes the message land even stronger.
I really appreciate the balance you’ve struck between humor and truth. Lines like “enabling is exhausted—I don’t have the cardio for it” add a lightness, while still delivering a powerful reality check. That blend makes the whole piece both relatable and memorable.