Why You Should Never Pity Me

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably heard a rumor. Or three. Or a detailed, play-by-play PowerPoint presentation of some man doing me “bad.” Maybe you heard about the guy who ghosted me after I bought him dinner, or the one who “needed space” only to find that space was actually occupied by a girl named Tiffany in Scottsdale.

Before you tilt your head, give me that “oh, poor Tina” pout, and offer to buy me a sympathy margarita—stop right there.

Save your pity for someone who doesn’t have a Google Calendar dedicated to karma. Because I swear on my favorite pair of platform boots and my air fryer: I always get my lick back.

Overcoming the “Victim” Mindset After a Breakup

We’ve all been there. You’re sitting on your floor, surrounded by empty taco wrappers, wondering how you let a man with a “Live, Laugh, Love” tattoo (red flag #1) break your heart. In that moment, you feel like the victim. You feel small.

But then, something shifts. A little spark of “Tina Energy” ignites.

What Does it Mean to “Get Your Lick Back”?

Getting your “lick back” isn’t always about being “petty” (though, let’s be honest, a little pettiness is a great skin-care routine). It’s about reclaiming the narrative. It’s about that moment when the universe realizes it owes you one and hands you the keys to the kingdom.

A Typical Tina “Lick Back” Scenario:

1. The Infraction: He tells me he’s “not looking for anything serious” two days after asking what I want to name our future Golden Retriever.
2. The Processing: I spend 24 hours in a robe, listening to 2000s R&B, wondering if I should delete his number or change his name in my phone to “Do Not Answer / Waste of Breath.”
3. The Pivot: Instead of texting him a paragraph that he won’t read, I spend that energy on myself. I go to that pilates class he said was “too expensive.” I post a photo where my hair looks like it was touched by angels.
4. The “Lick”: Three months later, he’s sliding into my DMs saying “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you,” while I’m literally on a date with a man who knows how to use a coaster and has a 401k.

The Realization: He Did Me a Favor

That is the lick back. It’s the realization that while he was doing me bad, he was actually doing me a favor by clearing out the space for something better.

Don’t act like you haven’t felt that rush. We’ve all had that ex who thought they were the main character, only for them to see us thriving later and realize they were just a guest star in a very mediocre episode.

Why Personal Growth is the Best Revenge

The “lick back” is a universal language. It’s for every woman who was told she was “too much,” only to find a world that couldn’t get enough of her. It’s for every time we were underestimated, undervalued, or lied to.

Important Note: Getting your lick back doesn’t mean you have to be mean. Sometimes the best “lick back” is simply living a life so good that you forgot why you were ever sad in the first place. (But also, if his car gets a mysterious flat tire right before a date with Tiffany? I didn’t see anything.)

How Tina Handles the Plot Twists

So, when you hear the stories—and you will hear them, because I am nothing if not a walking plot twist—don’t feel bad for Tina.

• If he cheated? I found a better version of him with better taste in music.
• If he lied? I used the truth to build a better version of myself.
• If he left? I finally had enough room in my bed to star-fish.

The CEO of Rebounds and Self-Worth

I am the CEO of Rebounds. I am the Chairperson of the “I Told You So” Committee. I am fine. Better than fine. I’m currently laughing at the memory of it while sipping a drink that costs more than his monthly car insurance.

The moral of the story? The universe has a funny way of balancing the books. If a man does me bad, just know the receipt has already been printed, and the refund is on its way—with interest. 💅✨