I Come With Warning Labels

Okay, let’s have a real talk for a minute. Pull up a chair, grab your coffee (or wine, I’m not judging), and let’s get honest.

I saw this quote the other day, and I have never felt so personally attacked and yet so seen in my entire life. It was like someone took a look inside my soul, saw the chaotic mess of emotions and dedication swirling around in there, and summarized it in one sentence.

The quote was: “i may be a littleeeeeeeeeeee toxic but at least im loyal”

And honestly? You could carve that on my tombstone.

The Reality of the “Healing Journey”

Let’s break this down, because I feel like there are a lot of us out there who relate to this on a spiritual level. We live in this world of “green flags” and “healing journeys” and everyone trying to act like they are a perfectly zen, unbothered monk who never gets jealous or petty. And that’s cute. Good for y’all. But over here? In reality? Some of us have a little spice. Some of us are a little… much.

What “A Little Toxic” Actually Looks Like

I admit it. I am that person. I can be a little toxic. And please note the emphasis on the “little.” (Okay, maybe it’s a medium amount sometimes, depending on the day and if I’ve eaten recently).

What does that look like? It looks like me noticing that you liked a picture of someone I don’t like and then spiraling about it for three hours. It means if you don’t text me back in a timeframe I deem acceptable, I’ve already created five different scenarios in my head, half of which involve you being mad at me and the other half involve a freak accident. It means I have the memory of a pachyderm when it comes to things you said in 2018 that annoyed me, and yes, I will bring it up if we’re arguing about whose turn it is to do the dishes.

I am passionate. I feel things deeply. And sometimes, that passion comes out as a little bit of… let’s call it “intensity.” I’m not proud of it, but it’s part of the package.

The Ultimate Currency: Ride-or-Die Loyalty

BUT.

And this is a very big, bold, underlined, neon-sign BUT.

I am loyal.

And in today’s world? That is a currency more valuable than Bitcoin.

See, people get so caught up on the “toxic” part—which, let’s be real, is just flavor and personality—that they forget the value of the second part. You want a friend or a partner who is chill 24/7? Go buy a houseplant. You want someone who will never get a little possessive or dramatic? Go get a goldfish.

But if you want someone who is going to ride or die for you? That’s me.

The Frontline Defense for Your Heart

My “toxicity” might mean I need you to share your location with me when you go out (for safety reasons, obviously!). But my loyalty means if anyone ever disrespects you, I am going to war. I am the frontline defense. I am the PR manager for your reputation and the bouncer for your heart.

If you are my person, I got you. Period. I don’t care if you’re wrong. I don’t care if you started it. In public? I am on your team. We can discuss why you were acting a fool in the car on the way home, but out there? You are a saint, and I will defend you until I’m blue in the face.

The Bargain and the Trade-Off

That’s the trade-off! That’s the bargain!

You have to deal with me being a little extra sometimes. You have to deal with the fact that I need constant reassurance that you aren’t sick of me. You have to handle my occasional flair for the dramatic.

In exchange? You get a vault. You get someone who will never fold on you. You get someone who will help you bury the body (metaphorically speaking… legal disclaimer!) and will never, ever snitch. You get someone who is going to hype you up when you feel like trash and check anyone who tries to dim your light.

I think that’s a pretty fair exchange.

Dedication You Can’t Put a Price Tag On

So yeah, I might be a headache sometimes. I might be a handful. I might send you five texts in a row because I forgot to hit “return” and it looks like I’m having a meltdown. I might be a littleeeeeeeeeeee toxic.

But at the end of the day, when the chips are down and everyone else has bailed? I’m still gonna be sitting right there. Probably looking annoyed, probably holding a grudge about something minor, but I will be there.

And honestly? You can’t put a price tag on that kind of dedication. You’re welcome.

— Tina