The Curse of Having Eyes, Ears, and a Spine

Let’s be real for a second: life would be approximately 75% easier if I were just a little bit more oblivious.

You know those people who can just float through life, ignoring the giant pink elephant in the room? The ones who can watch someone do them dirty and think, “Oh, they probably just had a bad day,” for the fifteenth time in a row? Yeah, I am not that girl. I’ve tried to be. I’ve looked in the mirror and told myself, “Tina, just let it go. Be the bigger person. Be the silent person. Be the person who doesn’t see the red flags waving like a parade.”

But here’s my problem—and it’s a big one: I hear what you’re saying, I see how you’re moving, and I am always, always going to address it.

The Built-In Lie Detector

It’s like I have a built-in lie detector that I never asked for. You can tell me you’re my biggest supporter until you’re blue in the face—that’s the “hearing” part. But then I “see” how you move. I see the way you go quiet when I have a win. I see the way you only call when you need a favor that involves my “extremely good heart” (which is currently under renovation, by the way).

The Sync Test: Words vs. Actions

I call it the Sync Test. If your words are saying “I’m a loyal friend” but your actions are giving “I’m secretly competing with you,” the math doesn’t add up. And because I’m me, I can’t just sit there and solve the equation in my head and keep it to myself. I have to raise my hand and say, “Excuse me, the math is mathing incorrectly.”

The Villain of Accountability

This brings us back to my favorite topic: being the villain in someone else’s story. See, people love a “good person” until that good person starts holding them accountable.

The moment I say, “Hey, you said X, but you’re doing Y, and it’s not sitting right with me,” the vibe changes. Suddenly, I’m “confrontational.” I’m “intense.” I’m “making it a big deal.”

No, honey. I’m not making it a big deal; it is a big deal. I’m just the only one with enough respect for our relationship (and myself) to actually talk about it instead of whispering about it behind your back. Why is it that being honest is seen as a character flaw, but being a “snake in the grass” is just “being complicated”?

Why Addressing Things is a Superpower

I’ve realized that my “problem” is actually my superpower. My heart is too good to let bitterness grow in the dark. If I don’t address it, it sits in my chest like a hot coal, and I’m not about to get burned just to keep you comfortable.

Addressing things isn’t about being mean. It’s about clarity. It sounds like:

What Clarity Actually Sounds Like

• “I heard you say you’d be there, but I see that you didn’t show up. What happened?” • “I see you’re acting different around certain people. Why is the energy shifting?” • “I hear the apology, but I see the same behavior. Which one should I believe?”

If asking those questions makes me the bad guy, then give me a cape and a lair, because I’m not stopping.

Trusting Your Gut on the “Movement”

We’ve all been in that position where we see the “movement” changing. You feel it in your gut before you even see it with your eyes. Your friend starts acting “busy,” or a partner starts hiding their phone, or a coworker starts taking credit for your ideas.

Most people are taught to play nice. We’re taught to ignore the “movement” and just keep listening to the “words” because words are easy. But Tina? Tina is watching the feet, not the lips.

Choosing the Truth Over Playing Nice

If you’re reading this and you’ve ever been told you’re “too much” because you noticed a shift in energy and had the audacity to ask about it—I’m raising my glass to you. It takes a lot of courage to be the person who addresses things. It’s exhausting, honestly. It would be so much faster to just block everyone and move to a cabin in the woods, but my heart is too big for that. I want real connections, and you can’t have those without real conversations.

So, if I’m the villain in your story because I called you out on your “movement,” that’s fine. I’d rather be the villain who speaks the truth than the “hero” who lives a lie.

I’m going to keep my ears open, my eyes sharp, and my heart wide open. But if you’re moving sideways while talking straight? Just know I’ve already noticed, and we’re probably going to have a chat about it.

Does anyone else feel like they have a “sixth sense” for when people’s actions don’t match their words? How do you handle it without feeling like the “bad guy”?