Hey everyone, welcome back to another late-night deep dive on Stories from Tina.
Grab a drink—I’ve currently got a massive Philz iced Tesora right next to me (heavy cream, sweet, obviously, because life is too short for bitter coffee)—and let’s get into it. Today, we need to have a little chat about something that has been living rent-free in my mind all week.
I came across a quote recently that stopped me dead in my tracks. It read:
“I knew I was being talked about when I started being perceived wrong. Ppl who truly know u don’t suddenly misunderstand your character. Narratives get created when conversations about you happen without you. That’s how you learn who listens to you & who listens about you.”
Oof. Did you feel that? Because I felt that in my soul. If you’ve ever found yourself suddenly playing the villain in a movie you didn’t even audition for, you know exactly what this quote is talking about.
When the Vibes Shift
Have you ever walked into a room, or had a conversation with someone you thought you were cool with, and suddenly the vibes are just… off? Like a record scratch in a 90s teen movie.
Suddenly, your completely normal, everyday boundaries are being treated like personal attacks. Your quiet days are being labeled as “having an attitude.” Your simple “no, I can’t make it” is being spun into a five-act tragedy about how unsupportive you are.
The “Meeting” You Weren’t Invited To
When this first happens, if you’re anything like me, your first instinct is confusion. Wait, what did I do? Did I miss a meeting?
Here is the hard truth: You didn’t miss a meeting. A meeting was held about you, without you.
As a Leo, I’m pretty straightforward. If I have a problem with you, you are going to hear it directly from me. I value that transparency. So when I realize people are suddenly misunderstanding my core character, it genuinely baffles me. People who have known you for years don’t just wake up one Tuesday and forget your heart. Unless, of course, a new narrative has been planted in their ear.
Channeling Your Inner Olivia Benson
You guys know how much I love Law & Order: SVU. When I sense that the narrative about me has shifted, I don’t panic. Instead, I put on my metaphorical trench coat, grab a notepad, and channel my inner Olivia Benson. I start paying attention to the evidence.
It usually goes like this:
- The Grievance: Person A has a problem with you because you set a boundary.
- The PR Tour: Instead of talking to you, they pitch their version of events to everyone else.
- The Toxic Telephone: Suddenly, Person B and C are treating you differently based on a skewed narrative.
The Ultimate Litmus Test
While being talked about is frustrating, this quote highlights a massive silver lining: It is the ultimate litmus test for the people in your life.
Who Listens TO You vs. ABOUT You
When the rumors fly or the narrative gets twisted, pay close attention to how the people around you react:
- Those who listen ABOUT you: They soak up the gossip without a second thought. They take the skewed narrative as gospel. They don’t call you to verify. Let them go. The trash is taking itself out.
- Those who listen TO you: These are your real ones. They hear a wild story and immediately shut it down because they know your character. They come directly to you to get the truth.
Why I Stopped Over-Explaining
In my twenties, if I found out someone was misunderstanding me, I would exhaust myself trying to correct the record. I would over-explain. I would try to prove my goodness.
Now? Absolutely not. My energy is way too expensive for that.
If someone is committed to misunderstanding you, there is no PowerPoint presentation or long text message that will change their mind. Their misunderstanding of you serves a purpose for them—usually to avoid looking at their own toxic behavior.
Redirect Your Energy
So, what do we do? We let them talk.
We take all that energy we would have spent defending ourselves to people who don’t matter, and we redirect it. We pour it into our kids, our homes, our real friends, and our bank accounts. We take that energy and use it to pad that “f-you fund” a little more. Because nothing is a better shield against gossip than complete, unbothered independence.
Let them create whatever narrative helps them sleep at night. You just keep focusing on your goals, setting your boundaries, and sipping your coffee. Your character will always speak louder than their conversations.
Have you guys ever experienced this “shift”? How did you handle it? Let me know in the comments below!
Until next time, keep protecting your peace.
Love, Tina