Hey everyone, it’s Tina. Welcome back to another chapter of my life, which lately feels less like a smooth-sailing blog and more like a chaotic group chat that never sleeps.
I came across this quote today and I felt it in my soul: “I might say some sht that don’t need to be said but I do NOT be LYING.” Listen, if that isn’t the official slogan for my thirties, I don’t know what is. As a nurse, I’ve spent years perfecting my “professional voice.” You know the one—calm, collected, nodding along while someone tells me something I already know, or gently explaining for the fifth time why we can’t do certain things. But the moment I hang up that stethoscope or step out of the “professional” zone? The filter goes on a permanent vacation.
There is a very thin line between “having no filter” and “just being honest,” and I have decided to set up camp right on top of that line.
Lately, I’ve been dealing with a lot of family dynamics—people moving across the world, friends wanting to coordinate massive international vacations, and honestly, just the daily mental load of being a mom and a wife. And sometimes, the truth just slips out before I can wrap it in a pretty bow.
For example, when people ask for my opinion on a situation, I’ve realized I have two modes:
1. The “Safe” Tina: “Oh, that’s an interesting perspective! Let’s think about that.”
2. The “I Do NOT Be Lying” Tina: “That is a terrible idea, and here are the seventeen reasons why we aren’t doing that.”
Is it always what people want to hear? Absolutely not. Is it what they need to hear? Usually, yes. It’s like when you’re out with your girls and one of them asks if they should text their ex. The “nice” friend might say, “Follow your heart.” But the real friend—the Tina friend—is going to say, “Put the phone down, go get an iced coffee, and remember why you blocked him in the first place.”
People say “the truth will set you free,” but they forget to mention it might also make things a little awkward at the dinner table first.
I’ve had moments recently where I’ve had to put my foot down about travel plans and family schedules. It’s not that I’m trying to be difficult (okay, maybe a little), but I’ve reached an age where I just don’t have the energy to lie to keep the peace. If I’m tired, I’m gonna say I’m tired. If a plan doesn’t make sense for my kids or my sanity, I’m saying no.
It’s liberating, honestly! But it does lead to those moments where I catch myself mid-sentence and think, “Tina, did that really need to be said out loud?” The answer is usually no, but since it’s already out there, we might as well embrace it.
The “Tina” Guide to Radical Honesty:
• Own your “No”: You don’t always need a three-page essay on why you can’t make it to an event. Sometimes “I just don’t want to go” is the most honest (and hilarious) thing you can say.
• Check the Delivery: I’m learning that you can be 100% honest without being 100% mean. It’s a work in progress, okay?
• Laugh at the Awkwardness: If you say something that “didn’t need to be said,” just lean into the laugh. If we can’t be real with each other, what’s the point?
At the end of the day, I’d rather be known for being “a bit much” than for being fake. Life is too short to spend it nodding along to things you don’t agree with. So, if I accidentally tell you that your new haircut looks like a Victorian ghost—just know I’m saying it with love, and I’m definitely not lying.
Stay real, stay caffeinated, and keep telling your truth (even if you should probably keep it to yourself sometimes).
Love, Tina