Okay, stop scrolling for a second. I saw this quote today—”half of my aura is literally just having basic manners and being sweet as f***”—and I have never, in my life, felt more personally attacked and validated at the same exact time.
I had to sit with it for a minute. Because honestly? This is the struggle. This is the entire Tina brand in a nutshell.
We live in a world where common courtesy has become an endangered species. It’s like people forgot how to say “please,” “thank you,” or “excuse me” somewhere around 2019. So, when you actually have what my mama called home training, people look at you like you’re some kind of unicorn. They see the smile, they hear the polite tone, and they think, “Oh, she’s sweet. She’s soft. I can walk all over her.”
Baby, that is a trap.
Let’s unpack this, because I know I’m not the only one living this double life.
First of all, having basic manners shouldn’t be a personality trait; it should be the bare minimum. But apparently, the bar is in hell.
I work in healthcare. You guys know the drill. I spend 12 hours a day dealing with doctors who think they’re God’s gift to medicine and patients who think Google is a better diagnostic tool than my degree. And through it all? I am smiling. I am nodding. I am saying, “Yes, doctor,” and “Of course, let me get that for you.”
That is the “sweet as f***” half of the aura.
It’s the part of me that holds the door open for the person behind me even if I’m in a rush. It’s the part of me that replies to a rude text with calm logic instead of the string of emojis I really want to send. It’s the professional mask. It’s the Capricorn in me that values reputation and class. I’m not going to let your lack of composure ruin my vibe.
But here is where people get it twisted. They think that “sweet” means “pushover.” They think that because I’m handling you with kid gloves, I don’t have hands.
If half my aura is manners and sugar, we need to talk about the other 50%.
The other half is pure, unadulterated boundaries. The other half is “I wish a you would.”
See, the reason I’m so polite is that I’m trying to give you a chance to act right before I have to clock out of “Nice Tina” and clock into “Real Tina.” My manners are a grace period. I’m being sweet to keep the peace, mostly for myself, because my peace is expensive and I’m not trying to spend it on nonsense.
But people love to test it, don’t they?
Whether it’s a guy who thinks he can pop in and out of your life whenever he feels like it, or a coworker trying to dump their shift on you—they see the sweetness and mistake it for weakness. They don’t realize that the sweetest people are usually the ones with the strongest cut-off game.
I can be the kindest woman you’ve ever met, making sure everyone is fed, comfortable, and happy. But the second you disrespect that kindness? The second you mistake my basic manners for submission? Oh, the switch flips. And it’s not a loud, dramatic flip. It’s a silent, icy door slam.
Can we just admit that maintaining this aura is exhausting, though?
Sometimes I just want to be the villain. I want to be the person who doesn’t hold the elevator. I want to be the person who sends the text message that ruins someone’s whole week. But I can’t. Because at the end of the day, I pride myself on being a woman of substance. I pride myself on raising my kids to know better.
So, I keep the manners. I keep the sweetness. I sprinkle that “sweet as f***” energy over everything I do like it’s glitter. Not because everyone deserves it, but because it’s who I am. I’m not going to let the world turn me cold just because people don’t know how to act.
So, to anyone reading this who feels like they are constantly being the “bigger person”—I see you. I know how much energy it takes to be pleasant when you really want to be petty.
But keep that aura bright. Keep being sweet. Keep having those basic manners. It confuses the haters and it attracts the real ones. Just remember to keep the other 50% of your aura on standby. Let them enjoy the sweetness, but remind them occasionally that the expiration date on your patience is closer than they think.
Stay sweet, stay savage, and for the love of God, say “thank you” when someone holds the door.
— Tina
Very nice.