Why My Heart Has a Restraining Order

Hey everyone, it’s Tina. Pull up a chair—or better yet, pull up a blanket and a tub of ice cream, because we’re getting into the heavy stuff today.

I saw a quote recently that hit me like a rogue shopping cart in a parking lot. It said: “Emotional PTSD is REAL… Experiencing a level of hurt, betrayal, disloyalty, and heartbreak can really traumatize you and make you not wanna trust nor fuck with nobody.”

First of all, facts. Second of all, can I get that on a t-shirt? Or maybe a forehead tattoo? Because honestly, that is the current vibe of my entire life.

The Reality of Emotional Trauma

You know how when you’re in a relationship, you’re basically wearing those 3D glasses from the 90s? Everything looks cool and colorful, but you’re actually missing half the picture. Then, the betrayal happens. The disloyalty drops like a bad beat in a song you actually liked.

When the Red Flags Become Neon Signs

Suddenly, you’re standing there looking at the “red flags” you ignored, and they aren’t just flags anymore—they’re giant, flaming neon signs that say “RUN, TINA, RUN!” It’s hard, right? People think “PTSD” only applies to soldiers or big accidents. But emotional trauma? That’s a whole different kind of war. It’s a war where the enemy had your Netflix password and knew exactly how you liked your coffee. When that person betrays you, it doesn’t just break your heart; it breaks your “picker.” You stop trusting your own judgment.

Entering Fortress Mode

Lately, my social life has been… let’s call it “highly selective.” And by “highly selective,” I mean I’ve been talking primarily to my houseplants and the delivery guy (and even then, I choose “leave at door” so I don’t have to make eye contact).

The quote is right: it makes you not want to “fuck with nobody.”

People ask, “Tina, why are you so cynical?” And I’m like, “I’m not cynical, I’m just currently participating in a high-stakes game of ‘Protect My Peace’ where the prize is not crying in a Target aisle.” When you’ve been hurt that deeply, your brain goes into Fortress Mode.

• Old Tina: “Oh, a new person! Let’s be friends!”
• New Tina: “Identify yourself. State your intentions. Provide three references, a credit report, and a written essay on why you won’t lie to me in six months.”

The Non-Linear Path of Healing

The hardest part about recovering from emotional trauma is that it isn’t linear. One day I’m a “Boss Babe” who doesn’t need anyone, and the next day I’m watching a commercial for fabric softener and weeping because the bears look so loyal to each other.

It’s exhausting. You want to move on, but your brain is like a paranoid bodyguard. Every time someone is nice to you, the bodyguard whispers, “What’s their angle? Are they a secret agent for the Heartbreak Committee?”

Why the “Stay Away” Stage is Necessary

But here’s the thing I’m realizing (slowly, and with a lot of venting): The “not wanting to fuck with nobody” stage is actually a part of healing. It’s like a skin graft for your soul. You have to stay under cover for a while so you can grow back stronger.

Finding Peace Inside the Dot

If you’re reading this and nodding your head so hard you’re getting whiplash—I see you. You aren’t “crazy,” you aren’t “dramatic,” and you aren’t “bitter.” You’re just a human being who gave 100% to someone who couldn’t even give you 10%.

Betrayal is a special kind of pain because it requires you to re-evaluate your entire reality. But listen, if you’re in your “I hate everyone” era, enjoy it for a minute. Buy the good sweatpants. Block the numbers. Read the books.

We’ll get our trust back eventually, but until then, my circle is so small it’s basically a dot. And honestly? The view from inside this dot is starting to look pretty peaceful.