Why My Forgiveness Isn’t a Free Pass

Pull up a chair, grab a snack, and let’s get real for a second. We need to talk about this trend of “forced forgiveness” that’s been floating around lately. You know the one—where people act like if you don’t forgive every single person who ever did you dirty, you’re somehow “holding onto poison” or “blocking your blessings.”

Well, pull up my records, because I must be the most blocked person on the planet.

Lately, I’ve realized there is a massive difference between someone making a mistake and someone practicing intentional wickedness. And I’m here to tell you: I don’t believe in forgiving the latter just to make them feel better.

If you did some evil stuff with zero remorse, and now you’re sliding back into my life talking about “letting bygones be bygones,” man… watchowwwwt. —

Mistakes vs. Intentional Wickedness

Let’s clarify something. If you forgot my birthday or accidentally spoiled the ending of a show I was binging, that’s a mistake. We can work through that. I’ll roll my eyes, you’ll buy me a drink, and we move on.

But then there’s that other category. You know the one. It’s the calculated betrayal. It’s the person who went out of their way to lie on your name, ruin your reputation, or break your heart—all while looking you dead in the eye with a smile. They weren’t “confused.” They weren’t “going through a hard time.” They were being wicked. And the wildest part? They had no remorse while they were doing it. They slept like a baby while you were up at 3:00 AM wondering what you did to deserve it.

The Tina Theory on “Heartfelt” Apologies

Here is the Tina Theory on why these people suddenly show up a year later with a “heartfelt” apology: It’s not about the apology. It’s about the access.

They don’t miss you; they miss what you did for them. They miss the way you listened, the way you supported them, or maybe just the way they felt being associated with you. They realized the grass wasn’t greener on the other side—it was actually just spray-painted gravel—and now they want back into the garden you’ve spent months replanting.

They want forgiveness because it’s the key that unlocks the door they kicked down. They want you to say “It’s okay” so they can stop feeling like the villain in your story.

I Am Not a Spiritual Laundromat

But here’s the thing: I am not a spiritual laundromat. I am not here to wash away your guilt just so you can feel comfortable again.

People say, “Tina, you have to forgive to move on.” Actually, I moved on the moment I stopped talking to you. I’m doing great! My skin is glowing, my plants are alive, and my blood pressure is perfect. I don’t need to grant you “forgiveness” to live my life. I can acknowledge that what you did was trash, decide that you are a person who does trash things, and proceed to never think about you again until you try to pop up in my DMs.

The Reality of “Being the Bigger Person”

Forgiving intentional wickedness without seeing a shred of real change isn’t “being the bigger person.” It’s being a doormat. And I’ve got too much style to be walked on.

The Tina Rule for Boundary Setting

The Tina Rule: If you weren’t sorry when I was crying, don’t expect me to be “kind” now that you’re lonely.

Watchowwwwt!

Revoking VIP Access

When I see those “I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting” texts come through, my internal alarm goes off. Watchowwwwt. That’s the sound of someone trying to regain entry into a VIP section they were kicked out of for bad behavior.

If you let someone back in who did evil things on purpose, you’re basically telling them, “Hey, the entry fee for hurting me is just a three-sentence text message.” No thank you. The price of admission to my life is high, and once you’re evicted for intentional malice, there is no “re-application” process.

Keep Your Circle Tight

To anyone out there feeling guilty because you’re not ready to forgive someone who truly, deeply did you wrong: Stop. You are allowed to have boundaries. You are allowed to say, “What you did was unforgivable, and I don’t want you in my space.” That’s not being bitter; that’s being wise. Don’t let people “peace” you into a position of vulnerability.

If they want forgiveness, they can go talk to a higher power. As for me? My “Access Granted” list is full, and their name is definitely not on it.

Keep your circle tight and your standards higher.