Hey everyone, Tina here. Pull up a chair, grab a coffee (or something stronger, I don’t judge), and let’s have a real, unfiltered heart-to-heart.

I’ve been sitting on this thought for a while, and honestly, it’s been itching at the back of my brain like a tag on a cheap sweater. We need to talk about the “Girl Code”—or rather, how quickly that code gets shredded the second a guy with a decent haircut and a “hey” text enters the chat.

Is it just me, or does it feel like some women have a PhD in being a “dummy” for a man, but can’t even pass Kindergarten when it comes to being a friend?

We’ve all seen it. You have that one friend—let’s call her Sarah. You and Sarah have survived everything. Bad perms, terrible bosses, that one summer you both thought low-rise jeans were a good idea. You are bonded.

Then, Sarah meets “The Guy.” Let’s call him Chad. Chad is… fine. He likes crypto and thinks “The Joker” is a personality trait. Suddenly, Sarah is a ghost. She cancels brunch because Chad might want to watch a documentary about bees. She stops answering the group chat because she’s too busy proofreading Chad’s emails to his landlord.

And look, I get it. The “New Relationship Energy” is a drug. But there is a massive difference between being busy and being a dummy.

I’ve seen women end ten-year friendships over a guy they’ve known for ten days. It’s wild! If a female friend tells us, “Hey, I don’t think he’s treating you right,” we don’t think, “Wow, my sister has my back.” No, we think, “She’s clearly jealous of our love and wants me to be alone like her.” Girl, please. I don’t want your man; I want you to show up for our Pilates class on time.

It’s like we have this internal switch. When it comes to our girls, we are logical, fierce, and protective. But when a guy shows even a spark of interest, we become his personal assistant, therapist, and defense attorney all wrapped into one—often at the expense of the women who actually know our middle names.

The Reality Check: A guy will tell you he’s “not looking for anything serious” and we’ll spend six months trying to change his mind. A best friend will tell you she’s hurt that you’ve disappeared, and we’ll tell her she’s being “too dramatic.” Make it make sense!

The most painful part is watching a woman end a friendship or stop “getting to know” another girl because of some perceived competition over a man.

I’ve seen girls stop being friends because they both liked the same guy—a guy who doesn’t even know which one is which! We throw away years of loyalty for the potential of being picked by someone who probably hasn’t washed his bedsheets since the Obama administration.

We will be a “ride or die” for a man who won’t even give us a ride to the airport. But for our best friend? We’re “too tired” to grab a taco.

Look, I love love. I want the rom-com ending for all of us. But can we stop being dummies?

• Men are a season; sisters are the soil: Relationships can end. A solid friendship is the thing that picks up the pieces when he inevitably forgets your birthday.

• Check your priorities: If you find yourself apologizing to a guy for your friends’ behavior, or distancing yourself from a girl because your “man” doesn’t like her vibe, ask yourself: Is he protecting you, or is he isolating you?

• Stop the competition: Another woman is not your enemy. The guy playing games with both of you is.

I love my girls. I really do. But I’m tired of seeing us trade in diamonds for cubic zirconia just because the zirconia whispered something sweet in our ear once.

Let’s stop being the “dummy” for the dude and start being the “ride or die” for the girls who were there before he arrived and will be there long after he’s gone. Because at the end of the day, when the breakup happens (and let’s be real, with Chads, it usually does), who are you going to call?

Exactly.

What do you think? Have you ever lost a friend to a “dummy” phase, or—be honest—have you been the dummy? Let’s vent in the comments!