Hey guys, pull up a chair and grab a snack. Today’s post is a little different because I’m sharing a story from my close friend Elena. She went through a whirlwind this week, and honestly, her poor life choices are so relatable that I had to document the tea for her.

We’ve all been there, right? That one person from your past who feels like unfinished business. For Elena, it was an ex she hadn’t seen in seven years. The breakup was so messy it left a permanent stain on her soul—and let’s just say his entire family basically had her on a “Most Wanted” list for nearly a decade.

Well, after seven years, she decided she was finally “mature” enough to get some closure.

Closure is a scam invented by people who want to ruin their own lives.

Elena didn’t go in empty-handed. She knew his family still held a massive grudge, so she showed up like a walking peace offering. She brought the holy trinity of reconciliation: expensive weed, a pack of cigarettes, and a stack of pizzas. But she didn’t stop there. She even went out and bought all the alcohol—specifically their favorites—thinking that a little liquid courage and nostalgia would help the conversation flow. She figured, who can stay mad at someone holding a pepperoni pizza and their favorite drink?

Her plan was simple: Talk. Be adults. Maybe apologize for the chaos of seven years ago, smoke a bit, and leave with her head held high.

They started talking, and she told me it felt like no time had passed. The chemistry was still there, sitting in the room like an uninvited guest. They started drinking that favorite alcohol, smoking, and laughing. Before she knew it, the “just talking” part of the evening went out the window.

One thing led to another, and they ended up sleeping together multiple times. Elena told me the regret hit her before the sun even came up, but in the moment, he was acting like a total poet.

While they were together, he started pouring his heart out:

• He told her how much he missed her.

• He confessed he was “so close to falling in love” back then.

• He raved about the sex and how he missed the fun they had.

Then, he dropped the big question: “Why are you still married? Would you leave him for me?”

Elena didn’t blink. She told him “No.” She was firm that there would be no relationship—just friendship after that day. He didn’t like that. She saw his face shift, but she figured they’d at least cleared the air.

The next day, the “romantic” facade started to crack. He asked her for money for transportation to get home from work. Being the generous person she is, Elena gave it to him without wanting it back.

But a few days later, the “closure” started feeling more like a weight. She texted him a genuine, vulnerable question: “Why haven’t you let me go? Out of all the billions of females in the world, how come you haven’t let me go?”

She expected a real answer. Instead, she got hit with a brick wall of ego.

He flipped the script entirely. He became a total asshole, snapping at me: “I don’t want a relationship. This isn’t a relationship. If you want to have fun, we can have fun, but it’s not going to be a relationship.”

The audacity! Elena was the one who said “no relationship” first! He took her request for clarity and turned it into an opportunity to act like she was chasing him. It felt like he was performing for someone—maybe trying to show off to his friends or family at her expense—which was so wrong.

Looking back at that 24-hour period, Elena realized the red flags were a whole parade:

• The Isolation: He wouldn’t even let her out of the room. He had excuses for days about why she couldn’t communicate or socialize with his family members. He was hiding her like a secret while taking her money.

• The “Pay to Play” Energy: She noticed the only time he actually seemed happy was when she was spending money on him or when they were having sex. Even after that deep heart-to-heart, his true colors came out.

• The Gaslighting: He was the one who reached out to her! He gave her his number wanting to reconnect because he “missed” her, only to pretend and tell her everything she wanted to hear just to flip the script the second he felt disrespected.

Elena had to remind herself why he was an ex in the first place. He reminded her exactly why she hadn’t been around for years. After he disrespected her one last time, she told him never to contact her again. The Moral of Elena’s Story: If you’re looking for closure, find it in a journal or a glass of wine with your girls. Do not seek it at your ex’s house with a pizza, their favorite liquor, and a prayer.

Stay strong, stay married, and keep your pizza (and your money) to yourself!

Has your bestie ever gone back for “closure” and ended up in a mess like Elena? Let’s vent in the comments!