Hey everyone, it’s Tina.

Let’s have a little heart-to-heart, shall we? You know those days where you feel like you’re starring in a movie, but the director is incompetent, the script is written in a language you don’t speak, and the audience—specifically the strangers at the grocery store—are all amateur film critics giving you a zero-star rating?

Yeah. I had one of those Tuesdays.

I’ve been thinking a lot about a specific phrase lately: Judgement without understanding is incomplete. Or, as my grandmother used to say while looking over her spectacles at my questionable fashion choices: “Only the one wearing the shoes knows where they pinch.”

Last week, I was standing in line at the post office. I hadn’t slept more than four hours because my neighbor’s dog decided to bark at a particularly aggressive-looking blade of grass all night. I was wearing mismatched socks, my hair was in a bun that looked more like a bird’s nest after a windstorm, and I was frantically checking my bank app while muttering to myself.

I caught a woman a few feet away giving me The Look. You know the one. It’s that tilted-head, slightly pursed-lip expression that says, “Wow, she really has let herself go,” or “I wonder what’s wrong with her?”

In her head, I was probably the “unorganized woman who can’t get her life together.” But she didn’t know that I had just come from a three-hour vet appointment, that I’d been working overtime to cover a coworker’s leave, or that the “bird’s nest” bun was holding back a massive stress headache.

It’s easy to look at someone’s “outward shell” and think we’ve read the whole book. It’s a shortcut for our brains. We see:

• A parent struggling with a screaming toddler \rightarrow Bad parenting.

• A colleague who is quiet in a meeting \rightarrow Unprepared or lazy.

• A friend who hasn’t texted back in three days \rightarrow Selfish.

But here’s the thing: We judge others by their actions, while we judge ourselves by our intentions. When I’m snappy, I know it’s because I’m tired. When you’re snappy, I might think you’re just a jerk. That’s the disconnect. We see the pinch—the limp, the wince, the stumble—but we don’t feel the blister inside the shoe.

The “Pinch” is Personal

We all have our own “shoes.”

• The Overachiever: You might see someone who is always “on” and think they’re stuck up. You don’t see the crushing anxiety that tells them they’re only worth their last success.

• The Latecomer: You see someone who is disrespectful of your time. You don’t see the car that wouldn’t start or the panic attack they had to breathe through in the driveway before they could face the world.

• The Person Who “Has it All”: You see the perfect Instagram feed. You don’t see the loneliness that comes when the screen goes dark.

The truth is, we are all walking around in footwear that looks fine from a distance but is absolutely killing us on the inside.

The next time you’re about to form an opinion about someone—whether it’s the guy who cut you off in traffic or the sister-in-law who made a passive-aggressive comment about your casserole—try to remember that your data is incomplete. You are seeing the effect; you aren’t seeing the cause. You see the limp; you don’t feel the pebble in the heel.

Instead of jumping to a conclusion, maybe we can just… hop to a different thought? Instead of “What’s wrong with them?” maybe try “I wonder what they’re carrying today?” It makes the world a lot less frustrating, and honestly, it’s a lot less work than being the “Judgmental Post Office Lady.”

Anyway, I’m off to go find a pair of shoes that actually fit (both literally and metaphorically). If you see me out and about looking like a chaotic mess, just know the pinch is real, the coffee hasn’t kicked in yet, and I’m doing my best.

Stay kind, stay curious, and for heaven’s sake, check your own socks before you judge mine.