Hey there, it’s Tina. Pull up a chair, grab a coffee (or a glass of wine, no judgment here), and let’s have a real-talk moment.

I was sitting on my couch the other day, staring at a half-eaten bag of chips and thinking about human behavior—as one does when they’re procrastinating on laundry. I started thinking about the word “effort.” Specifically, why we treat it like it’s some rare, mystical resource found only in the depths of a Himalayan cave, when in reality, it’s actually the simplest thing in the world.

Here’s the “Tina Truth” for the day: When people actually, truly care, they will try.

That’s it. That’s the whole secret. There is no Enigma code to crack, no secret handshake, and no need to hire a private investigator to figure out where you stand with someone.

The Myth of the “Bad Texter” (And Other Fairy Tales)

We’ve all been there. We’ve all made excuses for someone.

• “Oh, they’re just super busy at work.”

• “They’ve always been a bad texter.”

• “They just have a really ‘low-key’ personality.”

Listen, I once watched a guy who claimed he “wasn’t a phone person” spend three hours straight researching the best possible way to clean a vintage sneaker collection. He had spreadsheets. He had specialized brushes. He had passion.

The reality? People are “bad texters” until they’re interested in someone. People are “too busy” until they find something they actually want to do. We find time for what we value. If I care about making it to my 7:00 PM yoga class because it’s the only thing keeping me sane, I am there at 6:55 PM. If I care about you, I’m making the effort.

What “Fully Trying” Actually Looks Like

When someone cares with everything they have, it’s not always a grand, cinematic gesture. It’s not always standing outside a window with a boombox (though, points for style if they do).

Real effort looks like:

• Consistency: They don’t just show up when it’s convenient or when they need a favor. They show up when it’s Tuesday and absolutely nothing is happening.

• Memory: They remember that weird thing you said about hating cilantro, and they actually make sure the takeout order doesn’t have it.

• The “Uncomfortable” Try: This is the big one. They try even when it’s hard. They have the difficult conversations. They apologize when they mess up (and we all mess up). They move their schedule around because they know you’re having a rough day.

Tina’s Pro-Tip: Effort is a choice. Every single day, we choose what we put our energy into. If someone is giving you “leftover” energy, it’s because you aren’t on their priority list. It’s harsh, I know. I’ve had to swallow that pill myself, and it tastes like dirt. But it’s better than living in a fantasy.

The “Everything They Have” Energy

There is a massive difference between “checking a box” and “giving it everything you have.”

Think about it like cooking. You can throw some plain pasta in a pot because you have to eat to survive. That’s low effort. Or, you can sauté some garlic, simmer a sauce, grate some fresh parmesan, and maybe even light a candle because you want the meal to be special.

In relationships—friendships, family, romance—you can tell when someone is just boiling the pasta. They’re doing the bare minimum to keep you from leaving. but when they truly care, they’re in the kitchen with the garlic and the candles. They are invested in the outcome.

Why We Settle for Less

So why do we make excuses for people who don’t try? Because facing the truth is exhausting. It’s much easier to say “they’re busy” than to say “they don’t care enough to make me a priority.”

But here’s the thing: once you realize that effort is the ultimate barometer of care, you stop wasting your time. You stop over-analyzing every “read” receipt and every half-hearted “sorry I missed your call.” You start looking for the people who put in the work.

Because you deserve the “everything they have” kind of effort. You deserve the person who tries so hard it’s almost embarrassing.

At the end of the day, it’s very simple. We are all busy. We are all tired. We are all stressed. But for the people who matter? We find the energy. We make the move. We put in the effort.

If they wanted to, they would. If they care, they try.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go put some effort into this mountain of laundry I’ve been ignoring. Apparently, the laundry doesn’t “truly care” about me enough to fold itself.

Stay real, stay spicy, and don’t settle for “boiling pasta” energy.