Pull up a chair, grab a beverage of choice (mine is a very large coffee because clearly, I’m not getting enough sleep over this), and let’s dive into the messy, tangled web of “Friendship vs. Marriage.”

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not naming names. Not because I’m being “classy,” but because if I start naming people, I’ll probably get a headache just typing them out. Let’s just call the players The Wife (who is definitely not the problem here) and The Other Woman (who we’ll call “The Hot Mess Express”).

I’m writing this because I’m tired. I’m tired of the “sit-downs,” the “clearing the air” meetings that just end up polluting the room, and the mutual friends who act like they’re the United Nations trying to broker a peace treaty that nobody actually wants.

The “20 Years of History” Card

You know that one person who thinks that because they’ve known someone since the Third Grade, they have a lifetime pass to behave like a complete lunatic? That is the core of this disaster.

The Other Woman and The Wife’s husband have been “besties” for twenty-plus years. Their families are intertwined. He’s the godfather to her kids. On paper? Beautiful. In reality? It’s a literal nightmare. She uses that “history” like a bulletproof vest. It’s her excuse to cross every boundary, ignore every social cue, and treat The Wife like a temporary speed bump in her lifelong marathon of being the center of attention. To her, loyalty to the “old days” matters more than respect for the current marriage.

When the “Fun Drunk” Becomes a Liability

We’ve all had those nights where we had one too many mimosas and told a stranger we loved their shoes. But then there’s this broad. When she drinks—which is often—she transforms into something out of a horror-comedy. She becomes this unpredictable, sloppy, “kiss-everyone-with-a-pulse” kind of mess.

She acts like she’s in a music video, flirting with everything that moves, but the second someone calls her out? Suddenly, she’s the victim. Suddenly, she’s “just a girl who loves her friends.” No, honey, you’re a grown woman who just tried to tongue-wrestle the bartender and then cursed out the person who tried to get you an Uber. You can’t reason with her because she’s too busy playing the “I’m so misunderstood” card while spilling red wine on your rug and your reputation.

The Smear Campaign (Or: How to be a Pathological Liar)

Here is where it gets juicy—and by juicy, I mean infuriating. Back when The Wife was just starting to get to know her, there was an effort. But the moment The Wife realized something was “off,” The Other Woman went nuclear. Instead of being a grown-up, she played the victim for years.

She didn’t just talk behind her back; she dragged The Wife’s name through the deepest, darkest mud. She told people The Wife was a gold digger. She told people she was sleeping with the whole friend group. She even went so far as to tell people The Wife said she was going to kill her own husband in his sleep. Like, ma’am? This isn’t a Lifetime movie. Relax.

And when they finally had a big sit-down with both couples? The Other Woman didn’t care about apologizing or fixing the bridge she burned with The Wife. Her only concern was her connection with the husband. She didn’t even acknowledge The Wife’s existence in the room. It was like she was trying to talk “around” her to get to her prize.

The “Threesome” Dynamic & The Jealousy

The real kicker is the entitlement. Before The Wife came along, it was a “Three Musketeers” situation: The Husband, The Other Woman, and her partner. They had the group chats, the secret jokes, the trips without a fourth wheel.

Now that a wife is in the picture, The Other Woman is acting like the “New Girl” stole her favorite toy. She hates the fact that The Wife is married to her “bestie.” She blames her for “changing the vibe” and ruining the trio. She’s literally waiting for the marriage to fail so she can have her travel buddy back. She’s even gone so far as to make insane accusations—saying The Wife was the one having the affair, even suggesting her own daughter looks like the husband. It’s a level of projection that requires a professional therapist and a heavy-duty exorcism.

Where Are the Husbands in This?

Let’s talk about the men for a second, because they aren’t just innocent bystanders in this circus. When you’re married, your primary loyalty is to your spouse—period.

The Husband in this scenario needs to realize that “20 years of friendship” doesn’t mean he has to tolerate a woman who treats his wife like garbage. By not shutting it down firmly, he’s basically giving The Other Woman a front-row seat to disrespect his marriage. You can’t “both sides” a situation where one person is spreading rumors that your wife is a murderer and a gold digger.

If your “best friend” is a “sloppy drunk” who ignores your wife’s existence and tries to restart the “good old days” group chat without her, the answer isn’t another sit-down. The answer is: “Respect my wife, or you don’t get access to me.” Anything less is just cowardice disguised as “staying out of the drama.”

The “Neutral” Friends (Who Are Actually the Problem)

And then there are the mutual friends. The ones who think they’re being “fair” by staying in the middle. Let’s be real: when one person is a pathological liar dragging someone’s name through the mud, and the other person is just trying to protect their peace—there is no middle ground.

These friends say: “Tina, you’re being delusional. You didn’t actually SEE them sleep together. You’re letting your pride get the best of you. Just forgive her! We’re all so tired of hearing about the drama.”

Excuse me? Since when do you have to catch someone in bed to know they’re disrespecting your marriage? When a woman tells lies about your character and ignores your existence—you don’t need a private investigator. You need a boundary.

These friends aren’t “peacekeepers”; they’re enablers. They want The Wife to shut up so they can keep their comfortable social circle intact. They value their own convenience more than The Wife’s dignity. If your “friendship” requires someone to swallow a mountain of disrespect just to keep the group chat “fun,” your friendship is trash.

The Real Issue No One Wants to Say Out Loud

The real issue isn’t “hate.” It’s unresolved harm. It’s being asked to shrink your feelings so others can stay comfortable. It’s being told to be the “bigger person” while the other person never had to grow up at all.

The Wife is tired. She’s forgiven plenty of people in her life, but she’s not interested in forgiving a “pathological, two-faced, egotistical” person who views her marriage as an inconvenience. You can’t have a “sit-down” with someone who doesn’t believe they’ve done anything wrong.

The Bottom Line

If you’re reading this and you have a “best friend” of the opposite sex, hear me loud and clear: Your history does not trump their marriage. If you can’t respect the spouse, you don’t actually love your “best friend.” You just love the attention they give you.

And to the friends telling people to “let it go”? Mind the business that pays you. Trust is earned, and some people have spent twenty years earning a one-way ticket out of our lives.

Until next time, stay sane and keep your boundaries high.

Does this sound like anyone you know? Or am I the only one dealing with a real-life soap opera? Let me know in the comments—I need to know I’m not the only one losing my mind!

-Tina