Hey there, fellow humans (and any undercover robots reading this)! It’s me, Tina, back with another story from the wild, wild world of healthcare. Pull up a chair, grab your coffee, and prepare to laugh (or cringe) along with me, because this one is a doozy.

So, the other day, I found myself floating to a new clinic. You know, one of those days where you’re the “new kid” and everyone looks at you like you might accidentally set the place on fire just by breathing wrong. I decided, in the spirit of science (and maybe a little mischief), to conduct a little social experiment. I wanted to see how the staff would react if I called the provider by the wrong title. Would they correct me? Would they whisper about it? Would the universe implode? Only one way to find out!

Now, here’s the thing I started referring to the P.A. (Physician Assistant, for those not in the know) as a Nurse Practitioner. Innocent enough, right? I mean, both are superheroes in scrubs, but their capes are different colors. I didn’t do it out of malice, but out of curiosity—and, okay, maybe because I have a medical condition that makes pronouncing words a bit of a challenge. (Shout out to my speech therapist, you’re the real MVP.)

Here’s where it gets interesting. Not a single person corrected me. Not one! I mean, I was practically begging for someone to pull me aside and say, “Hey Tina, just FYI, that’s not her title.” But nope. Instead, what did they do? They did what people do best: they gossiped. I could practically hear the whispers floating through the break room like the smell of burnt popcorn. “Did you hear what Tina called her? Can you believe it?” I half-expected someone to start a group chat called “Tina’s Title Fails” (if they did, please add me, I love a good meme).

And of course, the provider herself found out. She was so mad at me, she didn’t respond to any of my messages for the rest of the day. I mean, I get it. If I spent years in school, racking up student debt and caffeine addiction, I’d probably want people to get my title right, too. But come on, is this really the hill we’re dying on?

Let’s be honest, titles in healthcare are confusing. Patients call P.A.s “Doctor” all the time, and when I try to correct them, they look at me like I just told them Santa Claus isn’t real. “But she *acts* like a doctor!” they say. I mean, sure, but I act like I have my life together and we all know that’s not true.

Here’s the thing I know I mess up sometimes. I know I have trouble with certain words, and I’m working on it. But wouldn’t it be nice if people just…helped each other out? Instead of watching someone trip over their own tongue and then running to the nearest coworker to laugh about it, maybe just say, “Hey, Tina, it’s actually P.A., not Nurse Practitioner.” Boom. Crisis averted. No need for drama, no need for angry providers, no need for a new episode of “Healthcare Gossip Girls.”

But that’s not the world we live in, is it? People would rather watch you mess up so they can feel better about themselves, or they’re too scared to say anything because they don’t know how you’ll react. I’d probably just laugh and thank you. Unless you correct me with a megaphone. Then we might have words.

So, what did I learn from my little experiment? People are weird. Gossip is alive and well. And getting a title wrong is apparently the social equivalent of setting off the fire alarm. But hey, at least I got a good story out of it—and now, so do you.

If you’ve ever been the “new kid,” or messed up a title, or just felt like everyone was watching you waiting for you to fail, just know you’re not alone. We’re all out here, stumbling through, trying to keep our scrubs clean and our dignity intact. And if you see me in your clinic, feel free to correct me. I promise, I can take it. Just maybe don’t start a group chat about it.

Until next time, keep laughing, keep learning, and remember: we’re all just trying to survive the clinic one awkward moment at a time.

— Tina