Hey there, wonderful readers! It’s Tina here, and I’m diving headfirst into the deep end of my emotional pool today. You might want to grab a life jacket—or at least a snack—because this is going to be a long, bumpy ride. I’ve decided to join the Chris Brown Residuals Challenge, and while I’m no songwriter (more like a “what rhymes with ‘orange’” kind of gal), I feel like it’s time to put my feelings into words. Spoiler alert: it’s not just about catchy hooks and catchy beats; it’s about my journey through love, life, and the lessons learned along the way.

                        Secrets and Regrets

Let’s start with Gerald, the father of my son. Oh boy, where do I even begin? For two years, I kept our son a secret from him. Yes, you read that right. I had a mini-me running around while he was blissfully unaware. It was like living in a bad soap opera, complete with dramatic twists and turns. One day, my ex-friend decided to play the role of the “truth-teller.” Thanks, friend, really appreciate it. So, the secret was out, and let me tell you, it was like a bomb going off in Gerald’s world.

I had my reasons—or so I thought. Fear, insecurity, you name it. I didn’t want to hurt him, but in trying to protect him, I ended up doing the exact opposite. And then, just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, Gerald got back at me by dating my ex-friend and getting her pregnant. To add insult to injury, he casually mentioned that he had another baby on the way with someone else—a girl, no less—due just a month after our son was born. I mean, can we get a collective “ouch”?

Regret is a heavy burden to carry. I often find myself wondering what could have been if I had just owned up to my truth from the get-go. Instead, I let fear drive my decisions, and here we are, tangled in a web of hurt feelings and complicated family dynamics.

                        The College Dreamer

Then there’s Edward, my first husband. Ah, young love—so beautiful, so intoxicating, and so naive. We got married in college, thinking we could conquer the world together. Spoiler alert: we couldn’t even conquer our laundry. We were like oil and water, and not the fancy, gourmet kind either. More like the “oops, I spilled it on the carpet” kind.

After we separated, Edward’s life took a nosedive. He’s brilliant, like “could probably solve world hunger” smart, yet somehow ended up on a different path. It breaks my heart to see someone with so much potential struggle. I often think about how I could have been a better partner, how I could have supported him through his challenges instead of focusing on my own issues.

We were both young and confused, trying to find our places in the world. I regret that we didn’t realize how different we truly were until it was too late. We were navigating the choppy waters of adulthood without a map, and sometimes I wonder if I could have been more understanding, more patient.

                   Love in All the Wrong Places

Now, let’s talk about my second husband. The charming womanizer. You know, the life of the party who could charm the socks off a statue. He took my son as his own, raising him alongside our daughter with so much love and dedication. For that, I will forever be grateful. But let’s be real: he was also a chronic cheater, and my heart took a beating more than once.

Despite his flaws, he provided for the kids in ways I couldn’t have imagined. He fed them, clothed them, and gave them a home filled with laughter—even if it was sometimes overshadowed by his party-animal tendencies. I remember thinking, “How did I end up here?” It was like being in a sitcom, and I was the one left shaking my head at the absurdity of it all.

My mental health played a huge role in the unraveling of that relationship. I was angry, lost, and often felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts. I struggled to communicate, to build friendships, and to maintain any sense of stability. I was trapped in my own mind, and it affected every relationship I had.

                       Accepting My Truth

So, as I sit here trying to pen this song, I want it to reflect the highs and lows, the regrets and the realizations. I want to apologize to Gerald, Edward, and my second husband without placing blame. We were all young and trying to figure out our paths, often stumbling along the way.

I’ve come to terms with my faults and the ways I’ve let people down. I wish I could take back the hurt I caused, but life doesn’t come with a rewind button. Instead, I’m left with the lessons learned and the hope that I can do better moving forward.

Here’s a little snippet of what I imagine the song might sound like:

(Verse 1:)

Hey Gerald, I’m sorry for the lies,

Two years in shadows, I wore a disguise.

Thought I was protecting, but I just pushed you away,

Now we’re caught in this mess, what more can I say?

(Chorus:)

Regrets like shadows, they follow me around,

Trying to rise above, but I keep falling down.

We were young and wild, lost in the fray,

Now I’m singing this song, hoping to find my way.

(Verse 2:)

Edward, my love, we were just kids,

Building castles in the sky, but lost what we did.

You’re brilliant and capable, I hope you find your light,

I carry the weight of our dreams every night.

(Chorus:)

Regrets like shadows, they follow me around,

Trying to rise above, but I keep falling down.

We were young and wild, lost in the fray,

Now I’m singing this song, hoping to find my way.

(Bridge:)

To my second love, you gave so much care,

But the parties and the lies left a burden to bear.

We all made choices, we all played our part,

Now I’m here with my truth, pouring out my heart.

(Final Chorus:)

Regrets like shadows, they follow me around,

Trying to rise above, but I keep falling down.

We were young and wild, lost in the fray,

Now I’m singing this song, hoping to find my way.

So, there you have it, folks! My life, my regrets, and a song that captures this wild ride. Writing it out feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders. If you’re reading this and find yourself relating to any part of my story, know that you’re not alone. We all make mistakes; we all have our battles.

Life is messy, beautiful, and sometimes downright confusing. But through it all, I’m learning to embrace my truth, to accept my past, and to keep moving forward. Here’s to hoping that one day, I’ll be able to belt this song out with pride, sharing my story and maybe even touching someone else’s heart along the way.

Thanks for joining me on this emotional journey. Until next time, keep those hearts open, and remember that we’re all just trying to find our way in this crazy world.

With love,

Tina ❤️✨