You know that feeling when you’re sitting in the audience, watching the stars of the school musical absolutely nail their performance, and you can’t help but think, “Wow, I could never do that”? Yeah, me too. In fact, I’ve had that thought more times than I can count. But, for some reason, this year, I decided to throw caution to the wind and audition for the school musical. What was I thinking, you ask? Honestly, I have no idea. It’s like my brain just short-circuited, and the next thing I knew, I was standing on a stage, belting out a show tune and praying to every deity known to man that I wouldn’t completely embarrass myself.

Well, spoiler alert: I did. Embarrass myself, that is. In the most spectacular way possible.

It all started when the drama club put out a call for auditions for this year’s school musical. I was sitting in the cafeteria, picking at my lukewarm meatloaf and scrolling mindlessly through social media, when I saw the announcement. “Calling all performers! Auditions for this year’s school musical are next week. No experience necessary!” Now, I don’t know about you, but to me, that last part sounded like a personal challenge. “No experience necessary?” I scoffed. “Challenge accepted!”

Now, I should probably mention that I have the singing voice of a dying walrus and the dance moves of a newborn giraffe. But, in that moment, I was feeling bold, confident, and just a little bit delusional. “This is it, Tina,” I told myself. “This is your chance to finally shine on the stage and become the star you were always meant to be!”

So, I did what any rational, level-headed person would do – I signed up for an audition slot and promptly began to panic.

As the day of the audition approached, I found myself spending more and more time in front of the mirror, practicing my best jazz hands and trying to convince myself that I could, in fact, carry a tune. I even went so far as to watch a few YouTube tutorials on “How to Sing Without Sounding Like a Strangled Cat.” Spoiler alert: it didn’t help.

But, like a true trooper, I showed up on the day of the audition, ready to give it my all. I mean, how hard could it be, right? It’s not like I was auditioning for the lead role or anything. I’d just do a little song and dance, maybe throw in a few jazz hands for good measure, and voila – instant Broadway star!

Boy, was I in for a rude awakening.

As I stood in the hallway, waiting my turn to audition, I could feel the butterflies in my stomach doing the cha-cha. “You’ve got this, Tina,” I told myself, trying to psych myself up. “Just think of it as a regular old karaoke night, except with a bunch of judges and potential future co-stars watching your every move.”

Yeah, that didn’t help at all.

When my name was finally called, I practically sprinted onto the stage, nearly tripping over my own two feet in the process. The judges looked at me with a mixture of curiosity and pity, and I knew in that moment that I was in way over my head.

But, like the true performer that I am (or at least aspire to be), I took a deep breath, put on my best smile, and launched into my audition song. And, let me tell you, it was a sight to behold. Picture a tone-deaf Energizer Bunny, hopped up on way too much caffeine, and you’ve got a pretty accurate representation of my performance.

I belted out the lyrics, completely forgetting the melody and any semblance of rhythm. I flailed my arms around, trying to channel my inner Fosse, but ending up looking more like a windmill in a hurricane. And, to top it all off, I somehow managed to trip over my own feet and nearly faceplant right there on the stage.

By the time I finished, the judges were staring at me with a mixture of awe and horror, and I couldn’t decide whether to burst into tears or burst out laughing. In the end, I settled for a sheepish grin and a hasty exit, muttering something about “needing to work on my jazz hands.”

As I walked out of the auditorium, tail firmly between my legs, I couldn’t help but wonder what on earth possessed me to think I could pull off a school musical. I mean, sure, I may have the boundless enthusiasm of a golden retriever, but the vocal chops of a tone-deaf walrus? Not so much.

But, you know what they say – the show must go on. And, against all odds, I somehow managed to land a role in the ensemble. I think the directors took pity on me, or maybe they just needed a few extra bodies to fill out the background. Either way, I was in, and there was no turning back.

From that moment on, my life became a whirlwind of rehearsals, costume fittings, and more jazz hands than I ever thought possible. I spent countless hours trying to memorize my lines, only to promptly forget them the moment I stepped on stage. I attempted to master complex dance routines, only to end up tripping over my own feet and taking out half the ensemble in the process.

And, of course, there were the inevitable wardrobe malfunctions. I’ll never forget the time my costume ripped right down the back, exposing my polka-dot underwear to the entire audience. Or the time I accidentally wore my costume shirt backwards and spent the entire performance trying to discreetly flip it around without drawing too much attention to myself.

But, through it all, I kept pushing forward, determined to prove to myself (and the rest of the world) that I could do this. I spent hours upon hours practicing my lines, perfecting my dance moves, and trying to channel my inner Barbra Streisand. And, you know what? I actually started to have fun.

Sure, I may have been the butt of a few jokes, and I’m pretty sure the directors were secretly questioning their decision to cast me. But, as I stood on that stage, surrounded by my fellow performers, I felt a sense of camaraderie and accomplishment that I had never experienced before.

And when opening night finally rolled around, I was a nervous wreck. I mean, what if I forgot my lines? What if I tripped and took out the entire cast? What if the audience took one look at me and started throwing rotten tomatoes?

But, as the curtain rose and the music started to play, something magical happened. I found myself getting lost in the performance, forgetting all of my fears and insecurities. And, to my utter amazement, I actually managed to get through the entire show without any major mishaps.

Sure, there were a few moments where I stumbled over my lines or missed a dance step. But, you know what they say – the show must go on. And, by golly, I was determined to make it through to the end.

And when the final curtain fell and the audience erupted into thunderous applause, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. I had done it! I had conquered the school musical, and I had the jazz hands to prove it.

Now, I know what you’re thinking – “Tina, you’re a natural-born performer. Of course, you knocked it out of the park!” But let me tell you, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I am about as far from a natural-born performer as you can get. I’m the kind of person who gets nervous just ordering a sandwich at the deli, let alone standing on a stage and belting out show tunes.

But, you know what they say – sometimes the greatest achievements come from the most unexpected places. And for me, that place was the school musical. It was a journey filled with laughter, tears, and more jazz hands than I ever thought possible. But, in the end, it was all worth it.

So, if you’re out there, thinking about auditioning for your school’s musical, but you’re convinced that you’ll never be able to pull it off – take it from me, the Tina-saurus Rex herself. Just go for it! Who knows, you might just surprise yourself. And even if you end up making a complete and total fool of yourself (like I did), at least you can say you tried. And, let’s be honest, a little bit of humiliation is a small price to pay for the chance to become a bona fide jazz hand master.