Hey there, lovely readers! It’s me, Tina, back with a story that’s bound to resonate with anyone who has ever faced the daunting task of returning an unwanted gift. You know the kind—those bizarre, highly questionable gifts that leave you wondering, “What were they thinking?” Grab your favorite snack (I’m thinking kettle corn, because let’s face it, who wants simple snacks when we can have something a little sweet, a little salty?) and settle in for a journey that’s part comedy, part cringe, and totally relatable.

Introducing our protagonist: Sarah, a twenty-something with a contagious laugh and a heart full of kindness. She’s the friend who always shows up with a fresh baked pie, the one who remembers your birthday, and the one who just happens to be the worst at expressing her feelings when it comes to unwanted gifts. She’s sweet, she’s a little awkward, and she’s about to find herself in the most ridiculous predicament!

So, here’s the setup. Sarah had just celebrated her birthday with a small gathering of friends and family, complete with laughter, cake, and more balloon animals than she could count (thanks to her enterprising eight-year-old cousin). Gifts were exchanged, and despite her best attempts to prepare herself, she received a truly unexpected surprise: a bright pink, five-foot inflatable unicorn. Yes, folks, you heard me right! A unicorn, which was more suited for a summer pool party than anything she’d ever planned this year.

The moment Sarah tore off the wrapping paper and revealed the giant, floaty creature, her eyes widened in equal parts shock and amusement. The colors were as bright as a neon sign, and its exaggerated cartoonish smile was enough to make anyone giggle—except Sarah. She stood there, holding the monstrous inflatable as her friends erupted into laughter. “I love it!” she said, her voice a pitch higher than usual as she did her best to sound sincere. Internally, though? She was screaming, “What in the world am I supposed to do with this?!”

Her friends were relentless. “You can use it at the beach!” They chortled. “Or perhaps a backyard party?!” They trailed off as Sarah’s face fell, imagining the nightmare of hauling that ostentatious unicorn anywhere.

Now, let’s hit the fast forward button to a few days later. Sarah had done the unspeakable: she hid the inflatable unicorn in her attic, hoping it would magically disappear. But alas, that was not the case. Every time she walked past it, there it sat—plump and smug, as if taunting her. “Let’s be real, Sarah. You’re never going to use me!” it seemed to say, and she couldn’t disagree.

Finally, after a few days of internal struggle, she decided enough was enough. It was time for Operation Unicorn Return, and she was ready to embark on an epic quest. But Sarah was up against an obstacle: the return policy for this beach-ball-sized beast was anything but forgiving. Not only did she need to return it within 30 days, but she also had to deal with the added pressure of “must be in original packaging.” The thought of wrestling that unicorn back into its box was almost more than she could bear.

“Okay, Sarah, focus,” she said to herself while pitting on trusty old leggings—a uniform for her quest. “You’re going to do this, but first, you need a plan. Like any brave hero setting out on a quest, you must be prepared!”

She armed herself with a reusable shopping bag (very environmentally friendly), a bottle of water (hydration is key!), and—more importantly—a grand Game Plan:

1. Retrieve the Unicorn: A daunting task, given that it was wedged into a corner of her attic, looking like a rejected party prop.
2. Attempt to Deflate It: This was where the real struggle would happen. Unicorns tend to be anti-deflationists, or whatever the equivalent is in the inflatable world.
3. Get to the Store: Her local beach boutique, famed for its unique items and less-than-warm customer service—because what could go wrong there?
4. Get the Return Approved: She had to muster every shred of charm in her body.

Sounded easy enough until you realize her entire week was already jam-packed. Between working hours, social commitments, Netflix binges, and trying to maintain a semblance of a social life, finding time felt impossible. But no! This was her mission, and she wouldn’t be daunted.

Chapter One: The Retrieval

As Sarah stood at the base of her attic ladder, peering up into the dimly lit abyss that housed the stuffed-to-capacity unicorn, she felt trepidation settle in her stomach. “You can do this,” she whispered to herself and lunged upward. Up and up she climbed, brushing aside cobwebs that felt jealous of her own existence. She finally reached the peak of insanity, also known as “the attic,” where she could finally see the unicorn.

It was laying there as if it was waiting for her with those big cartoonish eyes, and she reached over to grab it. Then the battle began.

“Come on, why are you so stubborn?” she whined as she bent down, clutching the unicorn’s neck and twisting it in awkward positions. She finally got a firm grip and managed to pull it toward her with some serious ninja skills. Victory!

Chapter Two: The Deflation

“Okay, one small step for Sarah, one giant leap for Operation Unicorn Return!” she declared as she tumbled back down the ladder, landing ungracefully on the ground. With a sense of triumph, she flopped the unicorn onto her living room floor and turned on a YouTube video titled “How to Deflate an Inflatable Unicorn.”

It turns out, deflating an inflatable unicorn was an oddly complicated affair; something about holding the valve open and squeezing the air out simultaneously. As Sarah wrestled with the behemoth creature, it flailed about, looking less like a majestic unicorn and more like a disgruntled walrus.

Half an hour later, she had succeeded—not so much through technique, but rather through sheer willpower and a few “Why is this my life?” existential crises. She rolled it into a ball and stuffed it awkwardly back into its original packaging, looking like it had just survived a brutal fight.

Chapter Three: The Quest to the Store

The next morning, Sarah set out on her grand adventure, her heart racing at the thought of entering that boutique. To prepare, she took deep breaths and repeated positive affirmations in the mirror: “You’ve got this! You’re a strong, powerful unicorn warrior!” (At this point, she probably should’ve switched the unicorn references to something else, but you do you, girl!)

As she approached the store, the weight of the unicorn in the bag felt both gratifying and embarrassing. She walked through the entrance like a champion, but the second she stepped in, she felt the judgmental stares of the employees as if they could sense her insecurities.

“Let’s do this,” she said under her breath as she marched up to the counter, where a clerk with a distinct “I’ve-seen-it-all” expression stood waiting.

“Hi!” Sarah greeted a bit too cheerfully. “I’d like to return this… uh… unicorn?”

The clerk raised an eyebrow. “Was it used?”

“Used? Oh, no! Absolutely not!” Sarah protested, her cheeks turning a fiery shade of crimson. “It was only inflated for approximately… half an hour! I mean, who could resist giving it a whirl? You know!”

The clerk remained unmoved, her expression barely changing. “Right. Do you have the receipt?”

“Yes!” Sarah fumbled in her bag, somehow managing to pull out a sticky granola bar instead. Why is my life like this? she wondered, desperately digging deeper until she finally pulled out the correct receipt and handed it over.

Fortunately, after what felt like an eternity of additional questioning (and several almost-comical attempts to describe the inflatable unicorn’s aesthetic appeal), the clerk finally exchanged it for store credit. Sarah’s heart soared! Her mission had been accomplished!

Chapter Four: The Aftermath

That night, Sarah collapsed onto her couch, victorious and exhausted. The inflated unicorn was gone! She learned a few important life lessons throughout her epic adventure; often, going to great lengths for something—even a simple gift return—could lead to unexpected memories and funny stories.

And as Sarah lay there, basking in her triumph, she couldn’t help but giggle at the silliness of the whole ordeal. Perhaps one day, when she had a pool party, she’d consider treating herself to an inflatable buddy that didn’t ruin her hopes of having an adult space.

For now, she’d celebrate her newfound freedom and choose more sensible gifts. She practically thought of moving forward with gift-related resistance training because, if this adventure taught her anything, it was that every unwanted gift hides a story waiting to be shared.

So, my lovely readers, remember: the next time you’re faced with the challenge of an unwanted gift, channel your inner Sarah. Face it head-on, laugh at the absurdity, and you might just end up with a legendary tale to share—just maybe minus the inflatable unicorns next time!

Much love,
Tina 💖